7 Healthy Self-Soothing Techniques for Adults — Talkspace

Quick Summary

• Self-soothing techniques are intentional practices that calm the body and mind without avoiding emotions, helping you ride out distress instead of suppressing it.
• Techniques include deep breathing, grounding with senses, comfort items, creating calming environments, movement, positive self-talk, and creative expression.
• Unlike avoidance, self-soothing honors your feelings while giving you tools to regain control and reduce overwhelm.

Life is full of ups and downs, and sometimes, the emotions that accompany it are nothing short of overwhelming. These moments of distress and anxiety often catch us off guard, and we’re left scrambling to try to deal with a racing heart, a tight chest, or an endless loop of “what ifs.” In times like these, it’s not always easy to know how to calm down and regain control of the present moment. 

That’s where having a few simple self-soothing techniques in your back pocket can make a world of difference. In essence, these are intentional practices that help bring both body and mind back into balance. Unlike avoidance strategies, which push emotions away, self-soothing techniques focus on creating a calmer headspace while still honoring your feelings. They’re meant to be tools that help you ride the emotional waves rather than getting sucked under by them.

These skills can be quickly learned and adapted to fit your life. What works for someone may not be useful for another, so it might take a couple of tries to figure out what clicks with you. The idea is to try a few different methods and, as you do, discover how you can best de-escalate intense moments of stress. 

In this article, we’ll explore seven healthy self-soothing techniques for adults that can help you ground yourself, regain clarity, and learn to move through distress with confidence and self-compassion.

1. Practice Deep, Intentional Breathing

When we find ourselves in emotional distress, our breathing often becomes quick and shallow, reinforcing the message to our bodies that we’re in danger. By intentionally slowing down your breath, you can send the opposite message: I’m safe. This simple act engages the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps the body reset after a fight-or-flight response.

“Counting backward from 29 to 0 is a simple grounding exercise someone can do at work or in public. Counting backwards  provides several psychological and physiological benefits, particularly during moments of stress, anxiety, or overwhelm. This practice interrupts negative thought patterns by requiring focused attention, which helps break cycles of racing or intrusive thoughts. The rhythmic, deliberate counting also activates the parasympathetic nervous system, regulating breathing and heart rate while signaling the body that it is safe to relax.”

– Talkspace therapist Famous Erwin LMHC, LPC

There are many types of breathing exercises for anxiety, with some of the most common being:

• Box breathing: Inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, hold for four counts. Repeat a few times until you feel your heart rate start to slow down.
• 4-7-8 breathing: Inhale through your nose for four counts, hold for seven counts, then exhale slowly through your mouth for eight counts.

The 4-7-8 strategy can be especially helpful for slowing your heart rate down because of sinus arrhythmia—a natural rhythm in which your heart rate speeds up slightly as you inhale and slows down as you exhale. 

2. Ground Yourself with Your Senses

When racing thoughts start to spiral, it can help to redirect your attention back to your physical body and away from the internal thoughts or external triggers that overwhelmed you in the first place. Sensory grounding is one highly effective way of doing this. By purposefully engaging all five senses, you gently shift your focus to neutral, external stimuli.

Experts often recommend the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. Here’s how it works:

• Notice five things you can see.
• Name four things you can hear.
• Name three things you can feel.
• Name two things you can smell.
• Name one thing you can taste.

You can take this a step further by enhancing your environment with small pleasantries. For example, make a cup of tea and hold the warm mug in your lap, or put on some background music with calming nature sounds. 

3. Use Physical Comfort Items

Sometimes, the deepest comfort can be found in the simplest of objects. Just as a child may feel reassurance from a favorite blanket, adults can also benefit from tactile comforts. Don’t worry—this isn’t a sign of regression or immaturity; it’s a way of giving yourself permission to seek what soothes you. You might try:

• Lying down with a weighted blanket
• Holding a smooth stone or fidget tool
• Wearing your favorite cozy sweater or wrapping up in a soft throw blanket
• Keeping a small sentimental item nearby

4. Create a Safe and Calming Environment

It might sound obvious, but our surroundings play a big role in how we feel day to day. When everything around you feels chaotic, modifying your environment can send the message to your nervous system that it’s okay to relax.

Research shows that spending more time outdoors in nature can improve mood and sleep and lower the risk for serious mental health conditions, like depression. Simple changes, like opening curtains for sunlight, adding plants, or arranging furniture to make your space feel more open, can help you feel more grounded in your space. Dimming lights, lighting a candle, or playing gentle sounds can also help lower tension during stressful moments.

5. Move Your Body to Release Tension

Stress isn’t just in your head. It shows up in your body, too. Maybe your shoulders get tight, you get a stomach ache, or you clench your jaw too tightly. When physical tension builds like this, movement can be an effective self-soothing technique for letting go of stress.

You don’t need an intense, heart-pumping workout to feel better. However, if you prefer rigorous exercise, such as high-intensity interval training (HIIT), research shows that this can be an effective intervention for combating anxiety, too. Gentle, intentional movement can be enough to reset your mind and body. There are ample self-guided videos on YouTube for gentle stretching and yoga. A short walk outside can also help calm your nervous system and bring some relief.

6. Use Positive Self-Talk and Reassurance

When you’re in distress, your inner critic can get loud, fueling feelings of shame, fear, or inadequacy. Gently countering these thoughts with kindness and reassurance might sound silly at first, but it can be transformative. For example, try telling yourself:

• “This feeling is temporary, and I will get through it.”
• “It’s okay to feel what I’m feeling right now.”
• “I’ve managed tough moments before, and I can again.”

If positive self-talk feels awkward or unnatural at first, that’s normal. Try to talk to yourself the way you would a close friend who’s struggling with the same thing. You might also consider creating a list of anxiety affirmations or comforting phrases to keep handy. Saying these out loud or writing them down reinforces self-compassion and shifts your mindset from panic to reassurance.

“One way to recognize negative self-talk when it is happening is to pay attention to your body. It is often the case that critical thoughts and self-judgement are felt physically as tightness, tension, or heavy feelings in the body. A simple question to ask once you are aware of negative self-talk is, “Would I say this to someone I love and care about?” If the answer is no, rephrase the thought in a more positive way. Small changes in the words we use like replacing, “I always make mistakes” with “I had a difficult time but can try again” can be just enough to break the negative thought pattern and make room for self-compassion.”

– Talkspace therapist Famous Erwin LMHC, LPC

7. Engage in Creative Expression

If your emotions start to feel like they’re taking up too much mental real estate, creativity can give them another place to live. Expressing yourself through art, music, writing, or cooking can help you process your feelings and leave you with something tangible to remind you of your strength later.

You might take up journaling for anxiety, sketch a simple drawing, play an instrument, or try a new recipe. It doesn’t have to be challenging, and it’s not about skill. What matters is giving yourself permission to let your inner world flow outward.

Creative expression is arguably one of the most accessible and adaptable self-soothing techniques for adults. By transforming difficult feelings into movement, color, and shape, it becomes easier to learn how to let go of them.

How To Neutralize Emotional Triggers

Emotional triggers are moments, memories, or situations that spark a strong reaction, often before you’ve had a chance to work through them. Maybe it’s a certain tone of voice, a stressful email, or a reminder of a past experience. Triggers can feel overwhelming because they bypass logic and push you straight into fight-or-flight mode.

Notice your triggers

Awareness is the first step toward neutralizing them. Start by noticing when your reaction feels bigger than the situation at hand, then ask yourself what might be underneath it. Patterns often emerge once you start looking for them.

Practice mindfulness

From there, practice small mindfulness techniques. Instead of pushing the feeling away, pause, name what you’re experiencing, and use grounding or breathing techniques to steady yourself. Try to avoid judging or criticizing yourself for what you’re feeling. It might help to visualize your feelings as a passing cloud by acknowledging them and allowing them to pass on their own time. Over time, these simple self-calming strategies help you respond rather than react.

Lean on your coping skills

Some people also find solace in having a toolkit of coping skills for when triggers appear. That might mean stepping outside for fresh air, calling a supportive friend, or soothing yourself with reminders like, “This is a reaction, not a reflection of my worth.” Sometimes, just knowing you have a plan to lean back on can bring relief, even if you don’t need to use it. 

How Talkspace Can Support Your Emotional Well-being

While self-soothing techniques offer peace of mind during distressing moments, you don’t have to navigate all of life’s big emotions on your own. Talkspace offers flexible, affordable online therapists that can help you identify and understand your anxiety triggers, build healthier coping skills, and fine-tune your emotional toolkit. Whether you’re struggling with the weight of life’s challenges or just need someone to talk to, Talkspace has you covered.

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