The other day, I received a reader request that is relatable to many families:
“Help with what to do when you have one kid who listens easily and one who doesn’t. – It takes one of our children several times for him to do what we ask him to- mostly because of getting distracted while playing- sometimes because of not wanting to do it.“
Did you read this nodding your head? You’re not alone!
Not every child listens and is motivated the same way. And honestly, some kids are just harder to parent.
First, take a deep breath. You’ve got this. And I’m here to help!
Consider trying these very doable tips if you have a kiddo who needs an extra push.
1. Get Buy-In From The Child
Before giving the instruction, pause their play, get down to their level, make eye contact, and say, “I need your attention for just a minute.” When they feel seen and acknowledged, they’re more likely to listen.
2. Try a “First, Then” Approach
A “first, then” approach reframes your request by adding something they want to be doing after what they need to do.
“First, put your shoes on, then you can go back to playing.”
3. Create Visual or Verbal Cues
I love the checklists and routine cards on the site for this reason! Visual timers can also be very effective for kids. Visual cues create predictability and turn the moment into a game or challenge. Even adults find them helpful!
Check out:
4. Give One Instruction at a Time
Some kids get overwhelmed or tune out when you give them multiple directions.
Keep it simple: Instead of “Clean your room,” try “Pick up your Legos first,” and go from there.
5. Be As Consistent As Possible
First, ease up on yourself. Remember that it doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be consistent.
Even if it takes a few tries, praise the action once it happens: “Thanks for listening and getting it done.”
This reinforces the behavior and encourages consistency over perfection.
And second, if you’re struggling to get follow-through, set a good reward for your child or family for after a week. Most of the time, these small actions are all it takes to transform your momentum.
6. Remind Yourself That It’s Ok
Most people try to do things one way for all of the kids. I do too. When you have 3 kids, it’s just easier. But the truth is that people are motivated by different things. And they listen and learn in different ways too.
So, experiment. Stay open to trying new things and learning what works for each of your kids. Try to stay as fair as possible (like setting a reward for each kid), but note that it’s ok to tweak the system.
7. Remind Them That They Have a Choice
When one of my kids occasionally challenges me over a rule or chore, I remind them they don’t HAVE to do it at all. They always have the choice not to complete them. They just won’t be able to do other things (usually screen time) if they choose not to.
This freedom to choose ends all our arguments. So, give it a shot in your home too. If they really want the reward, they’ll let it go.
Let me know if there are any other questions you need answered.
You’ve got this friend,
Jenn Kropf
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