Mandy Moore Opens Up About The Pressure To “Get It Right” As A Mom

Mandy Moore understands the pressure to be perfect. From her start as a teen pop singer to the matriarch on one of TV’s most-watched series (she’ll forever be Rebecca Pearson from This Is Us in our hearts), she’s had to become a pro at filtering out endless expectations and opinions. But, as anyone with kids can attest, doing that as a mom is easier said than done.

Lately, though, in the aftermath of what has been one of the most difficult years of her life, Moore has resurfaced in a surprising place: calm.

When we caught up with her fresh off a family trip, she candidly told us that, yes, having three young kids can be chaotic — and there’s no shortage of unsolicited advice from others about how to raise them. Yet, there’s a confidence that comes with experience, and as a third-time mom, Moore feels better equipped than ever to tune out all the noise. The result: She’s leaning into her own intuition and embracing that motherhood is inherently imperfect.

“There’s no ‘right’ way” to be a mom,” she reminds us. “The right way is what works for you.”

To that end, well, let’s just say Moore is a big fan of making motherhood easier wherever you can — whether that’s on travel days (snacks and iPads FTW), with feeding (a ByHeart partner, she’s raved about their portable Anywhere Pack), or leaning all the way in to cohabitating with what sounds like the world’s best in-laws.

Scary Mommy: You recently came back from family trips to Montana and Mexico. What felt different about traveling this time around — with three kids in tow?

Mandy Moore: It’s tough on one hand, but I also feel like we’re in this sweet spot where our travel hack is anything goes. You can eat whatever you want, you can have screen time, do all of the things that are just going to make your life and our life inherently easier during a travel day.

We’re not a big screen time family at all, so the boys are very excited to travel because it means they get to use their iPads and watch whatever movie they want. And we make sure we have plenty of food, because you never know what you’re going to find in the airport, and you never know what’s going to be on an airplane. So, we come prepared with sandwiches and crackers and string cheese and all of the things.

But they’re just at that good age where they’re pretty self-sufficient once you slap that in front of their faces. And Lou is 10 months old, so she’s super sweet and easy and just wants to have books read to her, play with crinkly toys, and have some milk and some little yogurt snacks. It’s that before-she’s-running-around toddler phase and wanting to not sit still. We’re kind of in this easy spot of my husband has both boys, I’ve got the baby, we’ve got it all figured out.

SM: That also works for me — promising myself little treats.

MM: Right? Yeah, having something you know you can look forward to is a game-changer.

SM: Baby Lou’s first birthday is around the corner. How are you feeling about hitting that big milestone?

MM: I’m in actual disbelief that we’re almost to a year at this point. It’s hard to wrap my head around. But I’m excited to keep getting to know who she is and seeing her relationship with her brothers. They’re just so sweet with her; they’re so doting and so gentle … No one is funnier to her than her brothers, and they’re obsessed with trying to make her laugh and smile. It’s the best.

I’m very much savoring this particular chapter, because, as you know well, it changes on a dime. Someone’s going to have a sleep regression or teeth coming in or God knows what, so it’s like let’s just own this beautiful time right now and really lean into it.

SM: We’re all bombarded with parenting opinions these days. Was there a turning point for you in being able to tune that out?

MM: It’s interesting. I just feel like there’s not a ton of substitute for the opportunity to do something over again. Being on my third go-round, motherhood just feels a bit calmer, so I’m able to tap into my intuition a little bit easier than maybe I even expected and trust my instincts. You don’t know what to expect the first go-round, so it’s really a bit more of a challenge to do that.

Living on social media, it’s helpful to find a community, to have some sort of point of reference. But sometimes, it’s just completely unhelpful — there are too many voices and too many opinions. As a parent, the biggest journey for me was realizing that, a lot of times, I had the answers to begin with. I just had to tune out the noise, step away from my phone, take in all the information, let that absorb in me, by all means, but then really just lean into what I inherently knew in my gut was going to work for me… and realizing that what worked for me wasn’t going to work for everybody.

There’s just confidence in embracing the imperfection and the messiness of parenthood, and letting yourself let go of that pressure.

SM: One thing moms definitely hear a lot about is how we feed our kids. What would you tell a new parent who’s putting pressure on themselves to “get it right”?

MM: I absolutely understand it … I went back to work with my oldest when he was a month old, and my middle guy when he was 6 weeks old, and I was very, very lucky and grateful to have a job that allowed me to bring my baby to work so I was able to nurse. I think what was different for this third go-round was that I didn’t have anything on the docket; I was super excited to just soak in all of this time with Lou.

With each baby, I let them lead the charge in terms of how long they wanted to nurse, and I was really fortunate that all worked well in my life and worked well for my milk supply. Things were thumbs up, and I know that’s not the case for everybody.

But when Lou was 3 ½ months old, the fires happened here in LA. It was incredibly stressful and traumatic, and my milk supply dropped immediately. I was freaking out, so I went to my pediatrician and was like, ‘Do I try and find breast milk on the black market? Do I ask a friend who is nursing if they have extra supply?’ He was like, ‘No, no. You take that off your plate entirely and supplement with formula. Nurse her and then supplement with formula when needed.’ And I was like, ‘OK.’

So in about four months, I started supplementing with ByHeart. Then, at six months, Lou was just done entirely with me and didn’t want to nurse anymore, so we transitioned to ByHeart full-time. I loved that the formula really mirrors breast milk in its structure and benefits; breast milk is really the blueprint for ByHeart. I wasn’t going to compromise anything by switching over full-time to formula.

SM: Do you feel like that shift had a surprisingly big impact on your mental load?

MM: I think, when that time period entered our life of supplementing, being able to take that one extra stressful thing off my plate made me a better parent. Knowing my mental health and being able to show up and be present for her and for Gus and Ozzie was the greatest thing I could have done for all of us.

I’m so glad I was able to hear my pediatrician and tap into my own intuition. He was echoing what I knew in my gut as well: This is what’s going to be best for me. Once I let go of that expectation — Am I doing the right thing for me? Am I doing the right thing for my baby? — and knew that everyone was going to be OK, it just made it so much easier. There was no looking back for me.

So, I guess that’s just what I would impart to women: However your feeding journey looks, there is no ‘right’ way to do it. There is no perfect feeding journey; that doesn’t exist. The right way is what works for you.

SM: You’ve been open about the loss of your home in the LA fires, and we’re so sorry you guys went through that. One thing I’ve noticed in your journey since then is the way you’ve talked about your mother-in-law, Kathy. It’s so rare to hear that dynamic in such a positive light. What are some of the ways she shows up for your family that are really meaningful to you?

MM: I’m going to get emotional. I just don’t know what I would’ve done in these last eight months without her. My mother-in-law and father-in-law lost their house too, and so we were able to find a rental that we could all live in together.

This season of our life, to be able to all be together … it’s everything. I never would’ve dreamed of it. I just would’ve never expected that we would’ve had this time all under one roof, but it’s been beautiful for all of us. It’s been so healing.

We were able to put the kids down and then make some tea for ourselves and talk about navigating insurance and all the adult conversations you don’t want the kids privy to, especially in the beginning. We were able to live that together and have each other to lean on.

Just the simple fact of putting the kids down and not having to have a babysitter! Kathy’s like, ‘I’ll watch the kids. You and Taylor go out and have dinner; you guys need a date night.’ Having that built-in babysitter, oh my God, I never ever want to give it up. I’m like, ‘You realize you’re never going to leave, right?’

It’s just been the best thing ever … she’s a dream.

This interview has been lightly edited for length and clarity.