Growing up, entire days and weekends could be ruined simply by my dad’s mood. If he was irritable, we were all on edge. If he was angry, it was everyone’s problem. And it wasn’t just the kids who were affected, it was my mom, too.
Now, the @sister.sister.sister TikTok channel, which follows three adult siblings through their life adventures, says that not only does that not have to be the case, but that it shouldn’t be the case. One of the three sisters, who calls herself Muffin, stressed that families shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells based on one parent’s mood.
“When my dad gets upset — none of us care,” she said of her and her two sisters. “My dad can come in a room and be mad about something, but it doesn’t change the dynamic or energy of the room. We don’t internalize his feels. His feelings don’t set the mood for of the room.”
Instead of everyone taking on his emotions, they simply try to fix the issue and then they move on. Even as adults, a mad dad doesn’t mean that everyone has to fall in line or center his feelings.
“Parent’s emotions shouldn’t be internalized by children,” she continued. “A parent being upset shouldn’t change the entire energy of the house, to walk on eggshells and tiptoe around their emotions. That is so unhealthy. If somebody’s upset and immediately everyone else is uncomfortable, that’s an unsafe place to be.”
She closed by saying how much she appreciates her dad’s parenting — still.
“My dad is such a safe space. It’s never been an on-edge nervous system reaction,” she ended. “It’s a huge green flag. It was a huge blessing to grow up with a parents whose emotions don’t regulate the emotions of the entire house.”
Down in the comments, a lot of people were having epiphanies about their own parents and their own childhoods.
“I. CANNOT. EVEN. IMAGINE,” one person wrote. “My entire household was held hostage by my mother’s moods.
“What a life’s lottery you’ve won,” said another.
“70% of my trauma came from this,” added another.
“Cries in narcissistic alcoholic dad,” said another.
“Having to manage your parent’s emotions as a child is the worst,” said another.
“That’s why I divorced my former husband,” wrote a mom.
This is such an important lesson and line to draw! It’s okay to feel and show your feelings. It’s okay to not be totally happy all the time as a parent. But it’s not okay when you make other people responsible for your feelings, especially your kids. It’s not okay to parent with fear or to punish others for your mood.
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