Quick Summary
- Losing the “spark” in a relationship is common and usually linked to routine, stress, or shifting priorities, not the absence of love.
- The spark in new relationships comes from novelty and dopamine, while long-term love depends on effort, emotional connection, and shared growth.
- Reigniting connection often involves small acts of affection, quality time, trying new activities together, and open communication.
- Couples therapy can help when partners feel stuck, offering tools to rebuild intimacy and strengthen long-term commitment.
Every relationship has its ups and downs. In the beginning of a relationship, it often feels effortless to be close and share excitement with your partner. Over time, life gets in the way. Stress, life transitions, or the routine of daily life can quietly chip away at the spark, even in the most loving relationships.
Research on long-term romantic love shows that the brain continues to respond positively to a romantic partner, even after many years together. This suggests that the excitement and reward associated with love can be maintained or rekindled with intention and care.
Feeling like you’ve lost the initial chemistry from your early relationship doesn’t mean you’ve fallen out of love or that it’s the end of your relationship. In fact, relationship burnout is a common part of many long-term relationships. If you’re wondering how to get the spark back in a relationship, there are several practical, actionable steps you can take to make your relationship stronger.
This list offers some ideas on how to reconnect with your partner and rediscover the joy of your relationship. While there isn’t one answer that works for everyone, this list can serve as a starting point to get the spark back in your relationship. You can try what feels right for your relationship. If you feel stuck, professional support with a licensed therapist may be a good option.
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1. Make Uninterrupted Time for Each Other
One of the most effective ways to bring back the spark in a relationship is to intentionally carve out time for each other. Set aside some time each day where you put away your devices, work, and other distractions to focus on each other. Consistently making time to have small moments of connection can help you feel closer and prevent you from growing apart in your marriage or relationship.
“It is important for couples to remember the things that made them fall in love with their partner in the first place. Do simple things like leaving notes for them to find, reading a book together, exercising, or cooking together. It does not need to be a huge gesture; just find small ways to connect.”
Some simple, yet practical ways to make time for each other include:
- Share a morning coffee
- Take a short walk after dinner
- Set up a weekly date night without devices
- Dedicate a few minutes to talking before bed
- Cook a meal together
Although it can be difficult to do when life feels hectic, spending uninterrupted, device-free time together can help you address emotional distance and regain that spark.
2. Communicate With Curiosity, Not Just Routine
When you share a life with your partner, your conversations can begin to revolve around logistics like schedules, bills, and chores. This doesn’t leave much room for a genuine connection. Asking open-ended questions can create moments of curiosity that prevent conversations from becoming purely logistical. Really listening to your partner’s answer can help you learn more about them and rediscover each other.
Instead of asking your partner, “Did you have a good day at work today?” try asking, “What was the most interesting thing that happened at work today?” You can even try this approach when talking about more practical things, like bills and chores. Instead of asking, “Did you pay the bills?” you could ask, “How do you want to handle the finances this month?” When asking about dinner, you could ask, “How do you feel about the meals we’ve been making recently? Is there something you want to try?”
If you try to approach even your routine conversations with curiosity, it can help you turn even everyday exchanges into an opportunity to strengthen your bond.
3. Show Affection in Small, Everyday Ways
Small acts of affection can go a long way in reigniting the spark in a relationship. Research shows that affectionate touch—like holding hands, hugging, or cuddling—can promote stronger bonds between partners.
Affection isn’t limited to physical touch. Kind words, thoughtful gestures, and small acts of consideration can be just as powerful. Some of the ways you can show affection every day include:
- Leaving a sweet note somewhere your partner will find it
- Sending an encouraging text on a hard day
- Giving a genuine compliment
- Making your partner’s favorite drink or snack
- Holding hands while watching TV
Small, consistent gestures like these can help you maintain closeness and remind your partner that they’re valued and loved.
4. Try Something New Together
Trying something new as a couple can help get the spark back in your relationship. It can be something as simple as a new date idea or something as big as a new travel destination. Having fun with new experiences or challenges can help remind you why you enjoy being together. Research shows that engaging in new activities with a romantic partner creates fun and excitement, which can improve relationship satisfaction.
“Set a goal together, train for a race or competition, recreate your first date, explore a new hobby, or take a class together. Scheduled time together can alleviate some of the pressure on relationship problems and bring things into a more positive focus.”
You don’t need to plan an extravagant new trip to see benefits. Try planning new activities and small adventures to spark joy and connection. Some ideas to try include:
- Take a cooking or art class together
- Try a new workout or fitness challenge
- Explore a nearby park or neighborhood you haven’t been to
- Play a new board game or start a puzzle
- Tackle a home improvement project together
Even simple new experiences create an opportunity to make new memories and reignite the spark in your relationship.
5. Revisit Shared Memories
Reliving old memories can be a powerful way to get the spark back in a relationship. Remembering these stories helps remind you of the experiences that built your relationship. Try to create moments to reminisce by looking back at old photos, going to meaningful places, or retelling your favorite stories.
Revisiting these memories brings back the joy and laughter of the time while also highlighting the growth you’ve experienced together. These moments can help foster gratitude and appreciation for your partner and the history you share. Reliving the good old days can help you feel more connected in the present.
6. Support Each Other’s Individual Passions
A powerful way to respark a relationship is to support each other’s personal growth and passions. When your partner feels free to explore their passions, they can become more confident and fulfilled. That renewed energy can make each of you more attractive to each other and remind you of the qualities that first drew you together.
You can show your support by:
- Cheering on your partner’s progress in a new skill or class
- Encouraging your partner to join a group or hobby they’re excited about
- Celebrate their wins at work or school
As you support each other, you can also look for ways to blend your interests. Research shows that shared activities can boost relationship satisfaction. You don’t need to do everything together or enjoy all the same activities. The key is finding a balance between supporting your individual pursuits while also creating opportunities to grow together.
7. Rekindle Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy is more than sex. It’s about feeling connected through sexual and non-sexual intimacy. Simple gestures, like holding hands, cuddling, or giving a massage, can build comfort and closeness. These moments of affection can also create time for a sexual connection to reignite the passion in your relationship. Although spontaneity can be exciting, making intentional time for intimacy can help make it a priority.
Research supports the benefits of physical intimacy. A 2023 study found that affectionate touch was linked to how much partners report feeling love for each other. Sex is part of the equation, too. Another study found that couples who focus on meeting each other’s sexual needs may be better able to maintain desire over time.6
Check in with your partner about what intimacy they want more. Have an open and honest conversation about your needs, boundaries, and preferences to ensure the intimacy feels safe and enjoyable for both of you.
8. Practice Gratitude Daily
Gratitude is a powerful way to shift a relationship’s focus toward positivity and connection. When big and small efforts go unnoticed, partners can feel unappreciated and this can lead to frustration and resentment over time.
When you take time to notice and appreciate your partner, it builds goodwill and helps to counter any resentment that may have crept in over time. Even small expressions of gratitude can strengthen your body and make each of you feel valued. Studies have found a strong link between practicing gratitude and stronger relationships.7
“Create a daily appreciation check-in: Write down the things that you appreciate about your partner in a journal or on a post-it note. Leave notes/journals for your partner to read every day, create a gratitude jar, or plan little surprises for them. Small gestures can go a long way to rebuilding a tarnished relationship.”
You can make gratitude a regular practice in your relationship by saying thank you for everyday acts, like making dinner or doing the dishes. For a more structured approach, you can try sharing one thing you appreciate about your partner each day. By making gratitude a daily practice, you can create a cycle of positivity that deepens your connection and helps you feel more fulfilled.
How Talkspace Can Help You Reconnect
Bringing back the spark in your relationship doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and effort from both partners. The tips in this article can be a good place to start rebuilding intimacy and deepening your connection.
If you still need help rekindling the spark in your relationship, a licensed therapist can help. Talkspace offers flexible online couples therapy with a licensed therapist who can help you navigate challenges, streamline communication, strengthen your bond, and improve your marriage or relationship overall.
Taking the first step towards reigniting the spark in your relationship is often the hardest. Discover the benefits of couples therapy and work towards a stronger, more connected relationship with Talkspace.
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