Is Midlife Sex The Best Sex?

I’ve officially reached midlife. And as a 50-year-old woman with grown kids, I think midlife sex is the best sex. While I can’t speak for everyone, I can make a strong case for why this is so.

If you haven’t been lucky enough to reach this stage of your life and there’s a little voice in your head telling you it’s all downhill from this point on, I’m here to set the record straight. In fact, sex keeps getting better and better. If someone offered me cold, hard cash to go back to the sex I was having in my 20s and erase all the experiences I’ve had these last 30 years, I’d tell them no thank you.

You can’t put a price on full-bodied orgasms and asking for what you want and getting it, something I didn’t do in my younger years because honestly, I didn’t know myself enough to know what I wanted. That changes little by little over the years, and then you find yourself feeling incredibly empowered and juicy at an age when you thought everything would be dried up.

Oh, I am so pleased to tell you that load of horse shit women have been fed for so long is completely wrong.

First, if you are nearing, or in, midlife and and you’re a mother, chances are your kids are grown or old enough to fend for themselves a lot more often. Your children have more of a life of their own and they don’t necessarily want you around all the time. This gives you time to breathe, want to be touched again, and have some time alone with your thoughts (and maybe your toys or erotic books). There are more opportunities to relax and take care of yourself which will do wonders for your libido, not to mention let you get more sleep so the first thing on your mind when you hit the sheets isn’t shutting your eyes. It’s shutting the door so you can get yours.

You know what you want and you aren’t afraid to ask for it. Gone are the days when you’re shy about getting your needs met. We don’t fake orgasms, or want our partner to hurry up and finish already. Sex and intimacy is about us and what we want to feel and get something out of it too. We know our bodies better than we ever have and we’re done accepting mediocre sex. There’s no shame in requesting (or demanding) a certain position or act because we know the experience is equally important to usI’ve never had an orgasm through intercourse. I know that now because I’ve tried it enough times in all the positions. That means I need something different from my partner and I’m not afraid to speak up about it. I had a few experiences in my younger years when I was afraid to say I didn’t get mine. Those days are in the rearview mirror. Thank god.

Your wisdom makes it hotter. At this age, you have boundaries and you understand them. You’re better at communication, repair, and empathy. Sex gets better when you’re able to observe, feel, listen, and understand. And whether it’s with your husband of 20 years, or a new partner, you expect the same from them. When you both come together in that way, there’s absolutely nothing like it.

By now, you know what’s fantasy and what’s true. That’s actually very helpful. Your expectations are realistic and you stop chasing what you think sex is supposed to look like. There’s less comparison, less pressure, more authenticity.

Instead of reacting to someone else’s wants and needs, you’re really tuned into your own. You have a level of comfort you didn’t have when you were younger, and you’re not going to open your thighs unless you can fully show up unfiltered.

Having sex in midlife isn’t what I thought it would be. I’m more confident, more accepting of myself, and know exactly what turns me on. At this age, I know now more than ever how fast time goes by and that no one is a mind reader. That knowledge has helped me everywhere, especially in the bedroom (or the sofa or the backseat of a car).

So erase all thoughts about losing your libido and having a dull sex life after 40. It’s about to get so good if you let it.

Katie lives in Maine with her three kids, two ducks, and a goldendoodle. When she’s not writing, she’s reading, at the gym, redecorating her home, or spending too much money online.