A Dad’s In Trouble With His Wife For Letting The Kids Go To A Neighbor’s House

The world’s a scary place — and it can seem even scarier than it is due to the 24-hour news cycle and how the news is reported. Parents are often teetering between wanting their kids to learn independence and keeping their kids safe.

One boundary parents struggle with is where to let our kids go without us, especially when it comes to the houses of friends and neighbors. While we might have fond memories of playing in other people’s homes, it comes with dangers like unsecured firearms, sketchy adults, and possibly dangerous pets.

Over on the Parenting Reddit forum, one dad wonders if he made a mistake by letting his two boys, ages 4 and 6, play alone with the kids next door. He thought the decision was fine, but his wife most definitely did not.

Here’s what he had to say:

“So I let my 4 and 6 year old boys go play with our next door neighbor,” he said. “Sweet kid, mom and dad are always nice and wave and say hi whenever we see each other. But I’ve never been to their house or really know them. In today’s world everyone thinks everyone else is weird or crazy but I was brought up in a world where we played outside and had more freedom. Anyways, I let them go over and play at his house without me there. The neighbors kids mom and dad were there. They played for about an hour and came back.”

Things got complicated, though, when he told his wife how the kids spent their afternoon.

“I told my wife that and she freaked out saying how ‘who knows what it’s like in their house’ and ‘who knows what they saw,’” he said. “I’m like ‘uhh they seem fine and our kids seemed totally normal coming back.’ I mean I get it, anyone could be some weirdo but shit man, sometimes we need to be human and just trust each other.”

He goes on to say that he’d rather risk the small chance of a bad thing happening than shelter his kids for their whole upbringing.

“All these horror stories about kidnappings and molestation doesn’t happen to every kid. It happens for sure and it sucks, but I don’t want my children living in constant fear all the time that something horrible is potentially going to happen all the time,” he explained. “If I had any inkling of a weird vibe from them ever I would’ve never let them go over but they seem like normal people. …I don’t know, maybe I’m just too naive and old school. Yea my kids are young but I trust them and I know that they know the basics of right and wrong.”

Down in the comments, readers were very split over whether it was the right parenting move or not.

The most popular comment outlined four questions one parent always asks before sending her kids into someone’s house.

1. Do you have guns in your house? How are those guns stored?
2. Are there other adults and older children in your house, either full time or temporarily, that I haven’t met, and would I want those people to be interacting with my children?
3. Are there any untrained animals, or other household hazards that I was previously unaware of, which could present a danger to my child?
4. Is my child articulate enough to tell me when something is wrong? Is my child confident enough to tell a strange adult no or stop if they feel uncomfortable? Is my child confident enough to tell a friend no or stop if they feel uncomfortable? (At 4 and 6 the answer is very likely no.)

But other parents, especially parents outside of the United States, had more lax rules for letting their kids run around the neighborhood.

“Wow, from the comments Americans are a lot more cautious,” one international user wrote. “I would 100% let my kids play with a kid next door, its a perfect low effort play date. If the parents seem ok.”

“The amount of paranoia in US parenting (at least, according to reddit) seems exhausting,” another added. “When I was a kid I totally played with kids next door, both in the yard and in their houses. I think it’s a good experience for kids to see other households and learn how to be a guest. I used to be very anxious, but once you realize you can’t control everything, life becomes so much lighter. Trusting other parents and allowing yourself a village makes parenting much more fun. I’m glad my son’s friends’ parents also trust their kids with me.”

A third person added, “Then people go ‘I have no village! I’m so alone!’ Well, when you assume everyone is leaving drugs and guns out or is a serial killer, I’m not surprised you feel that way.”

But a few American parents explained that things are different here.

“I want you to look up what is the number one cause of death of children in America,” one wrote. “It solely stems from kids going over to their friend’s house that has guns and the household is comfortable with guns but the friend who isn’t is careless and ends up shooting themselves or the friend.”

“I have had things happen to me at that age from people everyone thought were trustworthy,” another wrote. “The least you could do would be to visit the house with them. You could’ve spent time with the neighbors as well. But no, you let complete strangers babysit your little kids! I would be furious if my husband did that instead of parenting them like I asked.”

Surely there should be a balance here — you can get to know your neighbors, let your kids has a little more freedom, and teach your kids as early as possible to be aware of common dangers like guns and predators.