Bring Back Opening Presents At Birthday Parties

I’m unsure how the trend started, but by the time my oldest daughter was about 3, I realized it was considered a faux pas to open presents at her birthday party. And not in a “Oh, don’t open that card your grandmother just gave you” way, but in that it seemed to be an ick for me to call for all of the kids and adults to gather around the birthday girl and watch her open her gifts.

But I did it anyway.

There’s definitely a connection between birthday parties where little kids — especially peers of the birthday child — are in attendance and the idea that you should open presents once you’re at home. I’ve been at bounce house places, public parks, swimming pools, and it seems to be the norm to drop presents off at a table and then walk away. Your kid never sees their friend open their gift, and it’s like the entire exchange is just some kind of formal entry into a birthday party.

Well, I think it’s time we bring back opening presents at parties.

Not just for little kids either. For tweens, for teens, for grown ass adults whose friends show up at the wine bar with tiny gift bags — just open the present.

I know there are certain scenarios where this may not be the best case. I know people get overwhelmed with gifts; I know kids and adults with sensory issues who’d rather not have everyone staring at them. There’s a special situation for everything in life. But in general, if you’re holding back presents because you think it’s wrong to open them in front of others or that it’s going to make you look greedy or rude, I’m begging you — open them.

For years, I’ve heard that the reason nobody wants to open presents in front of their guests is that it just gets chaotic. Kids are trying to help unwrap a gift, the birthday kid may not react in the exact way someone wants them to, the parents are trying to keep up with the tissue paper and cards… I get it. But birthday parties are chaotic. If you want to host a birthday party where nobody gets overly excited and nobody gets a little overstimulated, then I think what you really want is a calm birthday dinner in your own house.

There is just nothing like the delight on a kid’s face when they receive a gift — except maybe the look on a kid’s face when they watch their friend open a gift they chose just for them. Every kid I know can’t wait to give someone a gift, and their eagerness is worth celebrating just as much as the birthday person. A birthday is all about joy. It’s about coming together to throw your hands up in the air and shout, “OMG, we love this person so much!” I truly believe that opening up birthday gifts in front of your friends and family plays right into that celebration.

It’s not about the gifts. Someone out there will argue that they don’t believe in opening birthday gifts because they don’t want their kid to think that’s what a birthday’s about, but whatever — toddlers, kids, adults, they all know that on your birthday, you get a gift. It’s just as important to teach them how to properly accept a gift and how to be grateful for the gift. It’s the best kind of exchange: You are thoughtfully giving me something that you knew I’d love, and I am accepting your love and honoring your thoughtfulness by accepting this gift and telling you thank you.

At many birthday parties, my kids have dropped off gifts, never knowing if their friend even opened them, let alone liked them. It’s sort of deflating.

Of course a birthday party isn’t meant to appease the guests, but come on — there’s just something lovely about watching the person you chose a gift for open it right in front of you. It teaches kids so much about grace, about love, about thoughtfulness. The minute I started taking my kids to a physical store to choose something their friend would love instead of ordering something a parent sent me via an Amazon link, I discovered a whole new world of friendship in their eyes. It’s worth it, I promise.

At the very least, opening gifts in front of the person who gave them to you negates the need for a thank-you card or follow-up text.