Ask Scary Mommy is our weekly advice column wherein Scary Mommy editors and guest editors — fellow moms like you — will answer your burning questions. You can send all of your questions and conundrums about parenting, family, and relationships to askscarymommy@bdg.com (don’t worry — we’ll keep you anonymous!).
Caitin Murray, perhaps better known as @bigtimeadulting on Threads and Twitter, has gained millions of followers on social media doing just one thing: being totally honest about parenting. Honest about the ups and downs, honest about the chaos, honest about the worry and love and the bags under her eyes.
We couldn’t love her more, and we are so excited that we got to borrow her for an hour this week to have her be our mom-in-residence for Ask Scary Mommy. Here’s what she had to say to all of our readers’ questions about parenting, relationships, and life.
Head here to read the full Q&A on Threads.
I’ve had the same best friend since high school — and we even had kids at the same time. The problem is that I had two girls and she had two boys. We try to hang out, but seriously, they are FULL ON out of control tornadoes who give me and my kids anxiety. I honestly don’t know if we parent differently or if it’s a gender difference or just that her kids are different, but it’s hurting our friendship and my hopes for our families’ relationship in the future.
Caitlin Murray: This is hard – I would probably just call the friend and suggest you two hang solo together and have dinner or something and say you feel like you get more quality time when you’re 1v1 and sort of slowly migrate the relationship to adult hangs. That will also come naturally as the kids grow up and have more shit going on in their lives.
My 16-year-old got into a fender-bender. He is totally fine and it wasn’t a big deal. But now I’m absolutely terrified of him driving. I am tracking his location obsessively and I’m having trouble focusing when I know he’s behind the wheel. How do I get past the anxiety that my baby is “in danger” when he’s driving?
This will also be so hard for me. But what is the alternative, make our kids live in bubble wrap? Actually, maybe. But, no. I think at some point you have to accept there are no guarantees in life. We have to live it, and indeed try our best to live it in the moment. Let go. Your anxiety can not control the outcome of the situation.
My daughter begged me for a leopard gecko for her birthday in February, and I got her one on the promise that she would be in charge of giving it water each day and feeding it every other day. It’s been a few months and of course I am constantly nagging her about the gecko. How can I turn this around? At what point does the gecko go? 🦎 I hate to make empty threats, but I’m out of ideas.
We have the same situation here in our house and I think it’s just a learning experience in knowing that if you bring a pet into the home, your kids will absolutely never be the ones to step up and take care of it even though they are the ones who will beg for it. You could start a chore chart I guess and add that to the list but you’re still the one who has to probably initiate the work. stinks!
My oldest just turned 14, and they’re at that age where all of their friends are sort of pairing off into couples. They don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet, and I think it’s hitting their self-esteem a little. Any pointers for validating their feelings while also reminding them they have PLENTY of time? I feel like I keep putting my foot in my mouth over this.
I get a lot of conversation with parenting experts, as well as people who have walked this road before. From what I’m told, when it comes to kids feeling sad or being sort of hurt about something, I’m pretty sure the general consensus is that all you can do as the parent is just be there for them and love them. We all have to go through hard shit. It’s just part of life. 💗
My teenager is going into high school next year and can’t seem to wake up/get out the door on his own. I have to get up to knock on his door before him. He sleeps through his alarm completely. It’s part of a larger issue of him needing A LOT of hand-holding to manage his time/schedule. How can I help him become more independent?
So, not being a parenting expert, I think what I might do is have a real conversation with them about how they wanna show up for life and let them know that you’re not gonna be there to be the human alarm clock forever, figuratively speaking. It might be time for some consequences since this is impacting your life and mental health as well. If you don’t get yourself to school on time, you can’t do ___. it also might be an opportunity for a conversation on some strategies to help them.
For more parenting advice and fun, follow @bigtimeadulting on Threads.
Have a situation that you’re not sure how to resolve? Write Ask Scary Mommy to get answers from real parents who’ve been there.
If it’s not obvious by the end of this article, we are not doctors or lawyers. Please don’t interpret any of the above information as legal or medical advice — go see the professionals for that!
