Is there a universal hardest age to parent? We whisper warnings about the terrible twos, but come on, are they really that bad? (Yes, they are). On the other end of the spectrum, angsty, pubescent teens also get a bad rap.
One age doesn’t necessarily have a reputation, but it seems to have the agreement of plenty of parents. Carol Kim, a psychotherapist who goes by @parenting.resilience on Instagram, says that her clients will most often cite 8-year-olds as the toughest age to parent.
“A lot of parents I know will say age 8 is really tough and wonder what’s going on, and they’re not wrong,” Kim said in a Reel. “I actually see a lot of eight year olds coming into therapy at my practice, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence.”
So, what makes age 8 quite so difficult?
“Eight is a big developmental shift,” Kim explained. “Kids are becoming more aware of themselves and others, and they start comparing themselves to friends, which can bring up self doubt, sensitivity and frustration.”
There are also social changes, like increasingly complicated friendships that can spur conflict, and create feelings of jealousy and exclusion that young kids have not yet learned to deal with.
“They’re thinking more critically, questioning rules and pushing for independence, but they still really need support managing their emotions,” Kim said.
8-year olds may also be experiencing adrenarche — a pre-puberty hormonal shift that can cause mood swings (oh, awesome).
To parents of 8-year-olds, Kim offered a few words of advice.
“This stage is full of growth, challenges and emotional intensity, so hang in there.”
It seems like parents needed to hear this — plenty shared that they thought they were alone in their 8-year-old struggles.
“Oh no wonder, I currently have an 8 year old and boy it’s tough!” said one parent.
“I had no idea pre-puberty could be a thing,” said another. “I really love how you’re advocating for understand children in this way.”
“Sooo apart from doing prep for the teen years i now have to worry and prep for the PRE-teens 😅” one mom asked.
Unfortunately… yes. Sorry, parents everywhere!
