How Many Adults Actually Like Their Siblings?

For new parents, it’s only ever a matter of time before someone — a family member, co-worker, friend, or stranger on the street — asks the inevitable question: “So when are you going to have another?” It’s usually followed up with (or even posed as) “When are you going to give [your child] a sibling! They need a brother or sister!” But… do they actually?

Recently, Threads user Jess Van Den (@jessvanden), an only child, asked “How many people — as adults — actually like/love their siblings?”

“Most people I know seem to have fraught, indifferent, or mildly friendly relationships with theirs,” she continues. She wanted to know how many people choose to do the work of keeping in touch with their siblings rather than just call every now and then out of a sense of obligation.

Many people see having more than one child as giving their kids “a built-in best friend.” Speaking personally, I know plenty of adult siblings who are, without a doubt, the absolute best of pals. In other cases, though, I know people who haven’t talked to siblings in years, and not always due to a falling out: sometimes it’s bad blood, but other times it’s just kind of apathy. It’s not a rejection, it’s just a lack of connection in the first place.

It turns out commenters offered a similarly varied picture…

“I’m an only child (hated it) that married into a family with 10 children,” wrote one. “They love each other. Like we see each other at least weekly and now all our kids have something like 30 first cousins that all love each other as well. I joke that if my husband had dumped me, I would have flirted with another brother because I was not leaving this family.”

“My brother and I have a standing hangout scheduled for every Monday evening,” shares another. “We text every day, even if it’s just sending our Wordles to each other. I don’t think I’ve ever gone more than 48 hours without talking to him. He’s my best friend.”

“My brother passed last year,” a third shared. “He was my best friend. I used to talk or text to him daily. … When I had my first child, I was already separated. He flew down for birth. [After my] c-section got infected he was my caregiver for four months. When my business needed support he moved cross country to be my homeschool/house manager/admin for a year. When he was laid off I paid his rent for four months. We vacationed every year with our kids and partners. Literally my person. No greater love.”

But not everyone had such fond feelings towards their siblings.

“My brother is and has always been incredibly abusive, and I actually just managed to get away from him,” confesses one Threads user. “I have no plans to ever allow him back into my life. I’m so jealous of people with good sibling relationships.”

“I have four brothers and haven’t spoken to them in years,” says another. “Just hateful men bringing more hate into the world.”

“I have two siblings, an older brother and a younger sister,” begins another. “We could barely stand each other as kids and we have zero relationship now. They are the two people in my life that have hurt and disappointed me the most in life. I have one child and she’s happy as a clam.”

When it comes to family, things get complicated fast. And sibling relationships — especially adult siblings — are no exception. It can be great… or horrible… or just kind of meh. I guess the most important thing is to not count on any of those outcomes as inevitable.