How to Talk to Parents About Wills and Guardians

Families never look forward to talking about wills, trusts, and guardianship. But these conversations are important to avoid conflicts or hurt feelings down the road. Even though it’s easier to avoid these conversations, adult children should take the initiative and bring up end-of-life planning with their parents. Done well, these conversations can be opportunities to show love and support. They can also clarify wishes and plans to ensure everyone is on the same page.

How do you start the conversation? Keep reading to learn some strategies that will provide scaffolding for honest, loving, and gentle conversations.

Use Soft Questions to Get Started

Launching into a conversation about wills and trusts can seem aggressive and off-putting. And parents may not want to touch the topic. As an alternative approach, ease into conversations on these difficult topics by using gentler language and questions.

Perhaps you could start by simply asking for advice on wills: “How do they work, and how do I write one?” Any adult should have a will, so it wouldn’t feel intrusive to ask this question of your parents. From there, you can ask your parents what they did in their younger years to establish a will. This can lead to opportunities to confirm that they have one.

Additionally, you can frame questions about guardianship in terms of your own family. Especially if you have children of your own, you’ll want to establish care for them if the worst happens. Ask your parents what they did. They should be able to articulate their steps. When you start with questions that relate to your situation, you can expand the conversation to address your parents’ plans. You’ll want to be sure that they have a will, for instance, and plans for their assets. When the time feels right, you can search online for a trust attorney Houston to have a legal expert guide you through the process. 

Have Sample Scripts in Mind

Broaching difficult topics can make anyone fumble for the right words. You can help steer clear of this issue by having some sample scripts prepared. Commit them to memory so you can use them as needed. And practice at home with a loved one before using them with your parents. 

If you’re talking about wills, for example, let your parents know that you want to make sure their wishes are honored. You could say, “This may be a tough conversation, but I’m really interested in making sure that your wishes are honored, and it will be helpful to have everything in writing.”

Concerning powers of attorney, talk about those individuals who are most important to your parents. Then ask your parents to share the names of individuals they would feel comfortable having handle significant decisions related to their health. These are questions you’ll revisit, too, as you move toward crafting a bigger plan that maps out clear responsibilities while maintaining positive family relationships. 

Make Timing a Priority

When it comes to tough conversations, timing matters. You don’t want to initiate a discussion on wills and estate planning during the middle of Christmas dinner. A family wedding or event in a public setting doesn’t make sense, either. And if your parents are dealing with another stressful event, it may be better to let things calm down first. 

Aim to have a conversation in a quieter setting. Talking about wills over coffee on a weekend, for instance, can feel more relaxed. If your parents just celebrated a big wedding anniversary, you can use that milestone as the launching point for a discussion. Or if you’re cooking together or going for a walk, these casual moments can be optimal places to nudge your parents toward opening up. Remember, too, that you can spread out the conversation over several interactions if that’s easier. 

Know Your Main Talking Points

Before starting a conversation, know what you want to address. This will help you guide the conversation in the right direction. For example, you’ll want to address wills, which outline who will take ownership of your parents’ assets. Similarly, trusts are valuable in that they can clarify who manages property or serves as a guardian of younger children.

If a parent is not capable of making medical decisions, they’ll need someone to do that on their behalf. And they should have a document mapping out their preferences when it comes to medications, resuscitation, and long-term care. While talking about these topics is critical, encourage your parents to have everything written down to formalize their preferences. If you have siblings, loop them in on what you learn, as well, so everyone is involved. 

Be prepared for the potential for uncomfortable moments. And if there are existing sibling rivalries or tense relationships, you’ll need to be patient and gentle. You may want a third party to step in and help mediate. An estate planning attorney or professional mediator can help tamp down the stress so your conversations can be more fruitful for everyone involved.

Get the Conversation Started

While talking about estate planning issues is rarely easy, it is essential. You’ll demonstrate love and support by taking the first step to understand your parents’ wishes and intentions. When you have a clear sense of their plans and help them get everything on paper, you’ll set yourself up for less stress later. Approach each conversation gently, and know that you can chip away at topics over several conversations.