I Guess I’m Considered A Cougar Now

I’ve been dating for a while. Much too long actually. But if that’s what it takes to find my person, sign me up. I don’t mind waiting because I know what I’m looking for, and the man for me will be worth the wait. So, I’ve settled in, I’ve been picky-yet-open, and recently I’ve decided to start saying “yes” to things I’ve said “no” to in the past.

And that includes dating younger men.

I’m not talking five years, which used to be my limit. I’m talking over ten years younger than me.

In fact, I’ve had a few dates with a 36 year old (I’m in my fifties) and I am really digging it. And I’m not saying this just because my ego has been boosted dating a younger man (but let’s be honest, it has). Over the past few years, I’ve talked with, and dated, a few men in their 30s, even though I don’t feel like a Mrs. Robinson type.

Here’s what I’ve found.

In the past I’ve usually dated my age or older. More often than not, I find men who struggle with drinking, gambling or porn are in a constant battle with their ex-wife and don’t think they are contributing to the problem at all. They aren’t willing to go to therapy, work on their part of things, or take any kind of responsibility. Blame is the game, and I’ve even listened to some of them talk about how they don’t have a relationship with their kids and that it is also the fault of their children or their ex. I will drop a man so fast after listening to that bullshit. And while I’m not saying all men in their late 40s and 50s behave this way, I can honestly say over 75% of the ones I have met on dating sites and in the wild do.

The older men I’ve met are so set in their ways and they have had an amazing woman take care of them in the past, and that’s what they’re expecting. Someone to take care of them. No thank you. I’ve had my years of taking care of people, including my kids who are still a big part of my life. But they don’t need me in that way anymore, and that’s been freeing. Now, after years of caretaking, I want an equal partner, someone who takes care of me just as much as I do for him. It’s called a partnership, and I found a lot of Gen-X men aren’t capable of that.

In my experience, though, younger men seem to be more emotionally available and aren’t threatened by an independent woman who has a career and doesn’t want a project to take care of.

Plus, these men are in touch with their feelings. Many of them go to therapy and aren’t afraid to talk about their past trauma, emotions, and more importantly they are doing things to work towards healing.

Health wise, I’m in the best shape of my life, which tends to make me a better match for a younger crowd. I have a lot of energy and take care of myself, whereas I see a lot of men my age and older don’t care of themselves at all.

I’m in my sexual prime. My head is free and clear of all the worries I had when my kids were younger and living with me. Men in their 30s match my energy if ya get what I’m saying.

I also have to admit that I thought there’d be a disconnect if I dated a younger man who didn’t have kids. With some, it’s not a huge deal at all. I always tell them my days of having kids are over, so if they want children, there’s no reason to even meet. Of course I’m not going to pass up an amazing man if he has young kids even though I’m very far out of that stage in my life, but dating someone without an ex-wife or kids is actually a refreshing change I wasn’t expecting.

So, if you’re a single woman looking to date again and you’re curious about what it’s like to date younger, I say go for it. After all, age is just a number and these younger men have a lot to offer.

Diana Park is a writer who finds solitude in a good book, the ocean, and eating fast food with her kids.