If You Want Your Toddler To Listen, Talk To Them Like A Co-Conspirator

No one gives you a manual for how to raise your kid, and many of us have white-knuckled it through the newborn phase, the terrible twos, and the threenage year. But what if there was a super simple way to get your toddler to listen that was actually also kind of fun for you both? Camilla Carrizales, who goes by @everydaycamilla on TikTok, shared a video in which she breaks down her best parenting tip to get toddlers to listen. Her credentials? She was a nanny for 10 years and a mother of two herself.

“You have to talk to them like you are giving them the best tea, like you are gossiping with your best friend. If you talk to them like you are sharing the craziest secret, it’s like a magic trick,” she says. Then, she demonstrates (you’ll need to put on your acting hat). If you need to clean up the living room together, lean into character. “Oh my God, this is so annoying, but,” insert eye roll here, “we’ve got to clean up this living room. I don’t want to clean up! OK, let’s just do it together and see if we can do it really quickly, and then when we’ve cleaned up, let’s get some juice and go sit on the porch.”

Camilla says this trick works because toddlers just want to be your buddy and confidante, and talking to them this way makes it feel like you’re a team. This is something I do a lot with my own kid — I’m a big fan of leveling with him like, “Dude, I don’t want to clean either because it’s no fun, but if we do it together it’ll be over way faster.” But this mom has inspired me to do it with a little more pizzazz, more like we’re in on something together.

Other parents sounded off in the comments, saying they do the same thing (or similar) with their kids, and it really does work. “My youngest just turned 3 this month, and he doesn’t do ANYTHING anyone asks. In fact, he will do the opposite thing that I ask. He dgaf. But let me tell you, everything you just said totally works. I’ve been talking to him like that for the last few months when I really need him to cooperate, and it’s totally magic,” one commenter said. “I am also a former nanny and a mother of 4, and I can confirm. It’s all about mind tricks and positive association,” another shared.

The comments also included lots of hilarious reactions. “My daughter would literally say ‘omg girl we can just clean it laterrrrrr,’ one joked, while a bunch of other grown adults admitted they were also convinced to clean — “YOU just made ME want to clean up my living room. Currently headed out to the front porch with my cup of juice.”

Personally, the comments I love most are the ones sharing their own little hacks for getting their children to stay on their best behavior:

• “I told my kids that smart children listen in the first time they are told to do something… idk it works.”
• “Another thing I do with my nieces and nephews is to say, ‘Ugh, I can’t clean, I don’t know how to do it,’ and then they start doing it to brag that they know how to.”
• “If you want your kid to behave well, just gossip about them in a good way with other people like relatives while they’re playing. ‘Omg mom guess what Timmy did today? He was so kind to so-and-so and so helpful.’ Trust me, your kid will behave so much better instantly, cuz they are nosy and they listen to everything u say to other people.”
• “When they would be throwing a tantrum, I’d whisper or mouth words silently. Immediately they’d stop crying so they could hear what I was saying. They’re nosy too.”
• “She doesn’t listen to me, but she does listen to her stuffed otter named Goose, who is also secretly me.”

So, the next time you really need your toddler to just put their shoes on already or help pick up a massive toy mess, don’t hesitate to get into character a bit. They’ll probably eat it right up.