Jessel Taank Is The Realest Housewife

You probably know Jessel Taank for her time on The Real Housewives of New York City, where she went from villain to darling due to her authenticity and enviable ability to (seemingly) always remain unfazed. But behind the Bravo drama is a woman who’s been through something far more, well, real: infertility. The mom of twin sons Kai and Rio has weathered a lot over the last five years, from friendship fallouts on RHONY to working through the emotional weight of cultural stigma attached to IVF. By her own admission, she’s gotten pretty good at pretending she was fine when she wasn’t.

Now, she’s doing her best to make sure other women understand it’s OK to not be OK. She’s teamed up with Fertility Out Loud to help others feel less alone — speaking up about her IVF journey to, hopefully, help others realize they don’t have to mask what they’re going through or battle the mental exhaustion that comes with it on their own.

Opening up to Scary Mommy, Taank shares the importance of community, her best piece of advice for fellow twin moms, and why she remains ~unbothered~ by the sh*t-talkers.

Scary Mommy: You’ve been so open about your IVF journey. What’s something you wish you’d known before you started that you feel would have helped?

Jessel Taank: Honestly, I wish I’d known just how much having a community matters. When I first started IVF, I kept a lot of it to myself and ended up feeling really isolated. I didn’t realize how comforting and helpful it would be to talk to people who actually understand what you’re going through. If I’d known about resources like Fertility Out Loud back then — with their one-on-one coaching, specialist finder, and articles that cover both the medical side and the emotional rollercoaster — I think the whole process would’ve felt a lot less overwhelming. Having that kind of support early on could’ve made such a big difference.

SM: Was there a turning point in your fertility journey when you realized you needed to start advocating for yourself more? What did that look like for you?

JT: When I opened up about my IVF journey on Real Housewives of New York, I wasn’t prepared for the response. The amount of support I got was incredible — so many women reached out to share their own stories, and a lot of them had been going through it quietly, just like I had. It really opened my eyes to how many of us are out there dealing with the same struggles. Hearing all those stories made me want to speak up even more, and that’s really what pushed me into the advocacy work I’m doing now.

SM: You’ve talked about the stigma that can exist in some cultures around fertility. What kind of pressure did you personally face, and how did you push past it?

JT: I think there’s this unspoken rule in society that women are just supposed to get pregnant naturally, and when it doesn’t happen, it can feel like you’ve somehow failed. That pressure alone is heavy. For me, as a South Asian woman, it was even more layered. In my culture, there’s a big emphasis on having kids, and at the same time, you’re taught to keep personal struggles private. So I didn’t tell my family about my IVF journey for a long time. I was worried about stressing them out or getting a million questions I wasn’t ready to answer.

But keeping it to myself ended up feeling really isolating. When I finally opened up, I was surprised to find a whole different kind of support waiting for me. That’s when I realized: There’s nothing shameful about building a family through IVF. It’s something to be proud of, not something to hide.

SM: IVF can feel incredibly lonely. What advice would you offer someone who’s just starting and doesn’t have a nearby support system of family or friends to lean on?

JT: When I was going through IVF, I wish I’d leaned on online communities more. There’s something so comforting about connecting with people who just get it — you don’t have to explain every little detail or search for the “right” words, because they already understand. The internet can be an incredible source of support and information, but it can also feel overwhelming when you’re trying to sort through what’s actually helpful and trustworthy.

That’s why I always tell people to check out resources like Fertility Out Loud. They make it easy to connect with others who truly understand the ups and downs: the waiting, the emotional swings, the physical stuff, and all the uncertainty. Being part of a community like that can make you feel so much less alone, no matter where you are.

SM: For someone feeling discouraged mid-process, what’s something you’d want them to hear from someone who’s been there?

JT: If you’re feeling discouraged, first of all, know that it’s completely normal. This process asks so much of you, emotionally and physically, and it’s OK to admit when it’s hard. Strength isn’t about pushing through in silence; it’s about knowing when to reach out for help.

Lean on whoever you can: your partner, a friend, or even an online community. I wish I’d realized sooner how powerful it is to have that kind of support.

SM: When you think about how far you’ve come, what are you most proud of?

JT: I’m most proud of how open I’ve been about my IVF journey. It wasn’t easy, but sharing that experience has been incredibly fulfilling. It’s helped me connect with others going through similar struggles, and it feels good to know that I’m making a difference just by being real about it.

Becoming a mom to my boys is another huge thing I’m proud of. The road to motherhood wasn’t the easiest, but it’s been worth every moment. My boys have taught me so much about patience, love, and what it really means to be a parent.

As for life in the public eye, I’m proud of how I’ve handled it. I’ve learned to stay true to myself, focus on what matters, and not let outside opinions shake my happiness. It’s all about finding that balance and staying grounded.

SM: If you were to give one piece of advice to every twin mom out there, what would it be?

JT: My biggest piece of advice would be to embrace the chaos and be kind to yourself. Raising twins is no joke — it’s a lot of work, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. You won’t always have perfect days, and that’s OK. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and lean on your support system, whether it’s family, friends, or other twin moms. And most importantly, remember that you’re doing an amazing job, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

SM: One thing people unfortunately have no problem talking about is other people’s appearance. What’s your secret for blocking out unnecessary noise and rumors?

JT: At the end of the day, people are always going to talk — especially when you’re on TV. I’ve learned not to let it get to me. I focus on what makes me happy and what’s important to me. I’m more concerned with staying true to myself than worrying about other people’s opinions. My family, my friends, and my own peace of mind are what matter most. And honestly, when people talk, it usually says more about them than it does about me.

SM: When you first joined Real Housewives, you were really hopeful about changing the narrative on what it really means to be a mother, wife, and New Yorker today. How do you feel about that now, and what would you still love to see change?

JT: When I first joined Real Housewives, I was excited to challenge the narrative … I wanted to show that you don’t have to fit into this perfect mold, especially as a woman, mother, and wife. There’s so much pressure on us to meet these unrealistic expectations, and I hoped to show that it’s OK to be real, imperfect, and authentic. Looking back, I’m proud of how far I’ve come in that regard. I’ve been able to share my IVF journey, my experiences as a mother of twins, and the reality of balancing it all.

But there’s still so much more I want to see change. I want to see more women in the spotlight embracing their true selves, talking openly about the struggles they face, and being unapologetic about who they are. We still have a long way to go in breaking down beauty standards, redefining motherhood, and embracing vulnerability. I’d love to see a world where we don’t have to hide behind a perfect facade to be considered successful or worthy.

SM: At one point, you referred to yourself as the villain of the show. But it really feels like the pendulum then swung in the opposite direction, and you became the darling. What was that evolution like for you?

JT: Honestly, it’s been a bit of a ride. In the beginning, I wasn’t afraid to speak my mind, and I think I got labeled as the ‘villain’ because of that. Over time, though, I realized it’s not about fitting into a mold — it’s about being real. When I started opening up about my IVF struggles, people saw a different side of me … I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter what others label you, as long as you stay true to yourself. Vulnerability allowed me to connect with others and has made all the difference in how I see myself today.

SM: It’s really lovely how light and fun you are, but there has been some hard stuff along the way with friends who have talked sh*t or started rumors. Have you ever just needed to, like, go into a dark room and scream?

JT: It’s not always easy, especially when people talk negatively or start rumors. At first, I’d get really upset about it, but I’ve learned to let a lot of it roll off my back. I realized you can’t please everyone, and that’s OK. I try to focus on what really matters.

When things get tough, I lean on my support system: my husband, my friends, and even the fans who really get me. I also make time for self-care, like taking a walk, drinking water, or just decompressing in my own space. It’s all about finding that balance and staying grounded.

SM: How is Pavit’s food influencing going?

JT: Pavit’s always had a passion for food, and it’s been really exciting to see him dive into the food influencer world. He’s embraced it with such enthusiasm, even calling himself the “President of the Street Food Association of New York City” and the “Chief Tasting Officer” of the “NYC Sandwich Society.” It’s hilarious because I never expected to marry a food influencer, but here we are! He’s been sharing his favorite spots around the city, from Birria Landia to Mamoun’s Falafel, and it’s been amazing to see how much people connect with his recommendations. It’s a side of him I’m really proud of — he’s passionate, dedicated, and having so much fun with it.

SM: What’s next for you?

JT: Looking ahead, I’m really excited to keep growing Oushq, my platform for South Asian and Middle Eastern fashion. It’s been an amazing way to support emerging designers and female entrepreneurs, and I’m excited to see where it goes.

Beyond that, my passion for fertility advocacy is something I’m deeply committed to. Through my own IVF journey, I’ve learned how important support is, and I’m continuing to work with Fertility Out Loud to help others feel less alone and more empowered to speak up about their fertility struggles. I want to keep shining a light on these important conversations, encouraging people to share their stories and find the help and community they truly deserve.

This interview has been condensed for clarity.