Mom Burnout Is Real, But These 3 Things Help Me Feel Better

At any given moment, 100 thoughts are running through my brain: doctor appointments, dentist appointments, parent-teacher meetings. Did the kids take their vitamins today? The kids need new shoes — wait, shoot, I never switched the clothes over from the washer. Crap, I need a shower.

As the default parent in our home, and a mom of young kids who still depend on me for practically everything, I often find myself in a constant state of “rushing around.” As soon as I sit, someone needs something. I’m always playing catch-up. Even writing this now, I’ve gotten up three times to wipe a butt, grab a wipe for cheesy Cheeto fingers, and investigate whatever I heard my cat knocking over in the next room.

By the end of each day, I don’t even remember what happened. It’s all just one big, frenetic blur. Every night, I collapse into bed, exhausted. Then the guilt creeps in. Did I spend enough time playing with the kids today? When’s the last time I sat and read them a book? How can I slow down?

I’m so tired — and yet I can’t stop the barrage of thoughts that march through my brain as soon as my head hits the pillow.

I’m still in the thick of it, truthfully. The mental load hasn’t vanished, and I still forget appointments and find myself reheating my coffee three times before finishing it. But I’ve reached a point where something has to give. I’m too burned out to keep going like that.

So, I did what any mom would do: I Googled. I experimented. And little by little, I’ve started to find ways to slow down, quiet the noise, and release some of that dreaded mom guilt.

If you’ve been lying awake at night, willing sleep to drown out the mental load keeping you up, maybe you’ll find some wisdom or hack in here that makes sense for you, too. Overstimulated, under-rested moms gotta stick together, right?

The dishes can wait (really, they can).

I know for some people it’s hard to relax unless their house is spotless. Or that they’re somehow failing if they can’t keep up with it all. I used to feel those things as well, until I reframed my perspective. Is my house safe for my kids? Yes. Dishes in the sink or an errant pile of laundry don’t affect their well-being. They are happy, secure, loved, and thriving — and isn’t that the dream?

KC Davis, a therapist, author, and now my friend, changed my life with one particular phrase that goes hand in hand with all of this: “Rest is productive.” To me, rest had always been the reward you got after the work was done. I didn’t deserve a nap or to sit and chill unless I first completed my chores.

Now, with the mindset that rest is productive, I find myself leaving dishes in the sink just a little bit longer and watching a movie with my kids instead. And you know what? The more relaxed I am, the less my mind races. In turn, I’m able to enjoy those moments with my kids more and feel more productive when I turn my attention back to other tasks.

You’ve just got to “go touch some grass” sometimes.

One of my favorite comebacks in the social media sphere, which I often see sprinkled in comment sections, is “Go touch some grass.” What it really means: Get off your dang phone and back into the real world.

I take the phrase quite literally. I step outside, weather permitting, and touch some dang grass. Wiggle my toes. Take deep breaths, really look around, and appreciate the simple things. My old neighbor, Dawn, who was a bit of a hippie, would call the practice “grounding.”

Before you shrug this off as some woo-woo nonsense, hear me out. Remember how carefree you felt as a child, just peering up at the clouds, finding fun shapes? The grown-up version of this is sitting in the grass with my daughter, trying to memorize every little detail of her face as the sun hits it. The shimmer in her eye. Her peach fuzz. I remember how it felt when she used to lie her head on my chest to sleep, and gratitude washes over me.

When you slow down enough to absorb your surroundings with all your senses, it’s pretty glorious. It forces you to be fully present. This approach has helped me see life in a whole new light, finding magic in the mundane.

We are imperfect people raising imperfect people.

This may be the thing that has helped most of all: realizing that I will never get it right. Although that sounds somewhat defeatist, it’s actually just… realistic. I’m human. I have faults and make mistakes. I yell when I shouldn’t, overreact, and say the wrong things. I mess up. (Therapy exists for a reason!)

Now, I focus on what comes after. How do I teach my kids to be good humans? When I mess up, I focus on the apology. When I start to get overstimulated, I focus on showing them how I can regulate myself. I can’t avoid my kids being, well, human — but I can show them, to the best of my ability, how to be a good one. And really, that’s the goal.

Emily Feret is a content creator living near Chicago with her husband and her two children. She loves to share her “normal” filter-free life online. Across multiple platforms, she celebrates the messy, chaotic, and average by touring her imperfect house, celebrating her stretch marks and wrinkles, and sharing her struggles in motherhood. Her work has been featured in multiple publications, including The New York Times, Parents, PopSugar, and more. You can find Emily on TikTok @Emilyjeanne333, Instagram @emilyjeanneferet, and YouTube @emilyjeanne333.