“My Husband Sends Me On Weekly Girls’ Nights & Our Sex Life Has Never Been Better”

This story is an “as told to” and anonymous. The mom in this story is a mother of two, in her 30s, living in the Southeast.

I think everybody expects your sex life to take a hit when you have kids, but I was surprised by how much mine did. It wasn’t just that I was exhausted and touched-out each night; it was that I also felt like a shell of myself. I didn’t feel sexy, I didn’t feel like the woman I knew I was, I just didn’t feel like me. My husband and I managed to schedule date nights and time alone together, and he was always a supportive guy who did more than his fair share of child-rearing and taking care of the house, but something was still missing.

Until my husband started sending me out on girls’ nights.

We have two kids, and when they were 5 and 3, I went on a weekend getaway with my girlfriends. I was terrified to do it — it was the first time I’d ever left my kids — but my husband really wanted me to go and encouraged me to just enjoy my time. It was one of the most restorative weekends I’d ever had, and when I came home, I told my husband how good it felt to be with my friends — who are all also moms with young kids — without any distractions.

“I know a trip is a big thing to plan, but you guys should just get together like once a week or so,” he said.

I told him there was no way we could plan that; it would be way too much work.

“For who?” he said. “Just make it a standing date and whoever can come can come.”

He made it sound so simple, and as I tried to think up reasons it wouldn’t work, I realized he was right. I immediately texted our group, and we all decided that a Tuesday night would be best. There are seven of us, but sometimes it’s only two or three of us that can show up. Some weeks our kids are all sick and nobody can hang, but the beauty is that we always know there’s another Tuesday coming.

It has become an anchor to my week, and I leave every Tuesday night feeling so excited to see my girls, and then I come home so excited to see my family.

And I was not expecting it to completely revamp my sex life with my husband.

Because while our sex life has been fine, it took these girls’ nights — an entire evening away from my kids, my husband, responsibilities at home — to give me that break I so desperately needed. And in those breaks, I feel like myself. I remember that I am funny and smart and creative. Sometimes our girls’ nights look like a night painting pottery, and sometimes we all just sit on someone’s sofa and watch Gilmore Girls. But no matter what, it fills me up, and then I come home and I am just… so enamored with my husband.

After that very first girls’ night, I came home and immediately had sex with my husband. It was like I missed him so much during those few hours away, but I also know it had everything to do with coming home to a man who had put our kids to bed, cleaned the kitchen, and even prepped lunches the next day. I got to come home to a man who was enjoying his own alone time watching TV or playing video games, and knowing that we both got some downtime for our own interests really rejuvenated us both.

A few glasses of wine out with my friends didn’t hurt, either.

Now that I have these weekly girls’ nights, my husband and I have sex more than we ever did before. Not always when I come home, but at some point during the week, I will just get this huge wave of attraction and remember how grateful I am to be married to an actual partner who listens to me, who cares about me, and who puts in the effort every day to make sure I feel safe and loved.

And literally nothing is sexier than that.