Raising Emotionally Strong Children: How to Build a Resilient Kid — Insights from Parenting Coach Ratika Subhash | Dr Dad

In today’s fast-paced, screen-driven world, parents face a new challenge: children who break down easily, struggle to handle frustration, and find it difficult to cope with even small setbacks.
Why is this happening?
What’s missing in today’s childhood?
And more importantly — how can we raise emotionally strong, resilient kids?

In a deeply insightful conversation on the Dr Dad Talk Show, parenting educator Ratika Subhash breaks down the science, psychology, and philosophy behind resilience. Her approach blends neuroscience, mindful parenting, Indian cultural wisdom and practical tools that any parent can apply at home.

This article captures the most powerful ideas from that conversation so that every parent can understand how resilience develops — and how to nurture it intentionally.

What Is Resilience in Children?

Resilience is not toughness.
It is not suppressing emotions.
It is not “be strong and don’t cry.”

According to Ratika Subhash, resilience is the child’s ability to feel difficult emotions, process them, regulate them, and return to balance — without collapsing or giving up.

A resilient child can:

• Try again after failing

• Feel upset but not break

• Handle pressure and uncertainty

• Express emotions instead of shutting down

• Take responsibility instead of blaming others

Resilience is not a personality trait.
It is a life skill — built through experiences, environment, and intentional parenting.

Are Kids Born Resilient? Or Is It Built?

Ratika explains this beautifully:
“Resilience is not inborn. It is cultivated. The environment builds or breaks resilience.”

Children learn resilience by:

• Watching how adults handle stress

• Experiencing frustration safely

• Being allowed to fail

• Having a secure emotional connection at home

• Practising emotional vocabulary

• Getting opportunities to respond independently

Resilience is not created by comfort.
It is created by challenge + support.

Why 90s Kids Were Naturally More Resilient

One of the most striking parts of the discussion was the comparison between today’s kids and 90s childhood.

90s kids:

• Played outside for hours

• Solved their own conflicts

• Took small risks

• Had limited choices

• Were bored often

• Experienced nature daily

• Interacted with neighbors, cousins, community

• Learned negotiation, sharing, and patience

Today’s children:

• Are overstimulated by screens

• Have minimal free play

• Face academic pressure early

• Are overprotected and overhelped

• Have constant entertainment

• Get rescued from frustration

• Have limited exposure to real-world challenges

The result?
Very low frustration tolerance.
Poor emotional regulation.
Difficulty coping with “no”, boredom, or failure.

This is why resilience must be built intentionally now.

The Neuroscience of Resilience: What Happens in the Brain

Ratika Subhash explains the brain science in simple terms:

• The prefrontal cortex helps children think, reason, and regulate emotions.

• The limbic system triggers fear, anger, frustration, and overwhelm.

• Resilience is the balance between both.

Here’s the key:
The brain grows fastest in the first 5–7 years.
This includes:

• Emotional circuits

• Language centers

• Regulation pathways

• Social skills networks

Another powerful concept is neural pruning — the brain removes weak connections and strengthens used ones.
If a child practices resilience, those circuits grow stronger.

Resilience can be trained — like a muscle.

Why Failure Strengthens the Brain

Failure releases frustration.
Frustration triggers emotional activation.
Emotional activation gives the child an opportunity to practice self-regulation.

When parents immediately rescue children:

• The child never learns coping

• The brain never practices emotional recovery

• The child becomes dependent on external soothing

• Minor problems start feeling overwhelming

But when parents support without solving:

In short:
Every small failure is a brain-building opportunity.

The Dangers of Overhelping & Overpraise

Two things weaken resilience:

1. Overprotection

When parents prevent all discomfort — spills, falls, social conflicts, mistakes — children lose the ability to handle real life.

2. Overpraise

When children are praised for everything, they:

Authentic praise — based on effort, not outcome — builds resilience.

Daily Parenting Habits That Build Resilient Kids

Ratika emphasizes that resilience is not built in dramatic moments — it is built in daily routines.

Here are the habits she recommends:

1. Narration

Become the “narrator of your child’s life.”
Talk about actions, routines, emotions, surroundings.
This builds emotional vocabulary — the foundation of emotional regulation.

2. Encouraging independence

Let kids:

• Wear their own shoes

• Serve water

• Clean small messes

• Help in chores

3. Allowing frustration

Do not rush to rescue.
Support. Don’t solve.

4. Emotional bank balance

Deposit positive interactions daily:

• Listening

• Hugs

• Jokes

• Eye contact

• Quality time

A child with a “full emotional bank” bounces back faster.

Screens & Resilience: A Modern Threat

Screen-time is one of the biggest obstacles to resilience.

Screens:

Ratika says:
Replace screen time with green time.
Nature boosts emotional stability more than any toy or class.

Age-Wise Actions to Build Resilience

Toddlers (1–3 yrs)

• Name emotions

• Allow small frustrations

• Encourage sensory play

• Avoid screens

Ages 5–7

• Create small responsibilities

• Encourage solving own conflicts

• Teach problem-solving language

• Introduce simple chores

Ages 10–12

• Let them handle consequences

• Teach journaling, reflection

• Encourage independent decisions

• Introduce real-world challenges

Final Message: Resilience Starts With the Parent

Ratika ends with a powerful truth:
“Parenting is not about the child. Parenting is about the parent.”

A child learns resilience by watching:

• How you react

• How you handle stress

• How you express emotions

• How you bounce back

Resilience is not taught.
Resilience is modeled.

When parents become self-aware, emotionally grounded and consistent — children naturally grow into confident, capable, resilient human beings.