The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives popularized a lot of things when it debuted in 2024 — chief among them being #MomTok, dirty sodas, and soft swapping. Well, technically Taylor Frankie Paul, the SLOMW star, popularized the term in 2022, when she explained her divorce from then-husband Tate Paul was the result of soft swapping gone wrong. But what is soft swapping anyway?What are the rules? The reported benefits? And if you’re interested in trying soft swapping, how do you bring it up to your partner without things going completely sideways? We asked an expert for their take.
What is soft swapping?
Soft swapping sits in the gray area between monogamy and full partner exchange, according to an explainer from Monsta Toys, a fantasy-driven adult toy brand. The company says Google Trends data reveals searches for soft swapping peaked dramatically in May and June 2025, perhaps in part due to Taylor Frankie Paul & Co.’s cultural impact.
Unlike traditional swinging where couples completely swap partners for sex, soft swappers (also known as soft swinging) set rules around what acts they can engage in with others. Most commonly, everything but penetration is OK, leaving kissing, touching, oral sex, and other intimate acts on the table — but every couple decides their own unique boundaries.
Soft swapping is different from an open marriage; open marriages involve complete emotional and physical relationships with other partners. With soft swapping, it’s really just about the physical. While #MomTok’s soft swinging involved a group of the same couples trading partners, others might choose to soft swap with just one other couple, or to date around and mingle with new couples.
Why might soft swapping appeal to some couples? What are some common pitfalls?
No matter how much you love your partner, when you’ve been with them a long time, that initial euphoria of new love has probably long since dissipated. You’re completely at ease with each other, so that electric nervous energy just isn’t there anymore. Soft swapping adds it back into the mix.
“Soft swapping combines both novelty and an element of decadence all in one, so it’s easy to see why it would have a certain appeal, even to happily monogamous couples,” says Angie Rowntree, ABS, founder and director of Sssh.com, an online destination for sex-positive, ethical porn.
Of course, while it may sound exciting to fool around with someone new with your partner’s OK, soft swapping also opens the door for some cons too — jealousy, crossed boundaries, and “the unpredictability of sharing intimate space with other people,” Rowntree says. “While the word ‘soft’ may sound less consequential, it does not make the experience emotionally or physically neutral. Like anything else under the broader umbrella of relationships, it asks for a great deal of communication, trust, and self-awareness.”
One pitfall of soft swapping is that the commonplace rule — no penetration — ignores that other forms of intimacy are still, well, intimate. This trend might attract couples who are nervous about actually sleeping with other people (swinging), but simply adopting a no P-in-V boundary can lead some couples into trouble. Not getting clear about boundaries upfront — or what to do if something doesn’t feel right in the moment — can cause major relationship issues.
“Oral sex is still sex, intimacy is still intimacy. So even without penetration, it remains another variation of ‘the lifestyle.’ As such, this is one of those areas where fantasy and reality can separate rather quickly,” Rowntree says.
How can you bring up soft swapping with your partner if it interests you?
Telling your partner you want to be intimate with someone else sounds like a conversation that could head south and fast. You’ll want to approach it delicately.
“If your partner has never shown any interest in other people, this is likely something to approach with a great deal of care, and with a genuine willingness to listen to and respect whatever they may say,” Rowntree says. “A person who feels happy in their relationship may hear it and wonder whether you are bored, dissatisfied, or feeling that they are somehow not enough. This is the kind of conversation that requires not only honesty, but real empathy and consideration as well — and a readiness to handle whatever feelings may come up with grace.”
Swinging Reddit might be a great place to get some communication tips. One poster said they knew a couple who was into swinging, so they started by talking about them to their partner to open the conversation. Another Redditor said they brought up swapping partners and explained it was a fantasy of theirs — something about it turned them on rather than something about their partner not being enough in some way.
“If this is something you want to try, connecting with like-minded people on community apps and websites makes sense, since you can be completely transparent about your desires. The same principle applies more broadly as well: lifestyle-friendly spaces can offer an opportunity to learn more, meet others with similar interests, and get a clearer sense of whether this is something that feels right in real life. What matters most is that everyone involved is there knowingly, willingly, and with full transparency,” says Rowntree.
Disclaimer: This content was automatically imported from a third-party source via RSS feed. The original source is: https://www.scarymommy.com/lifestyle/soft-swapping-explained-by-experts-including-how-to-pitch-it-to-your-partner. xn--babytilbehr-pgb.com does not claim ownership of this content. All rights remain with the original publisher.
