By most measures, things are getting better in the United States when it comes to division of labor at home, the mental load, and childcare — even if the change seems slow and even though things are still not equal.
Recent numbers from Pew Research shows that, for example, the number of stay-at-home dads in the country have skyrocketed from 11% in 1989 to 18% in 2023 — a significant increase over just 30 years.
But a closer look at the numbers tells a more complicated story. While 80% of stay-at-home mothers are at home because they are taking care of their kids and their household, only 23% of stay-at-home dads are “choosing” to care for their children and the house.
More specifically, 34% of stay-at-home dads cited an illness or disability as their reason for not working, while another 13% described themselves as retired. A further 13% said that they were looking for work but couldn’t find any, while 8% were attending school.
In other words: While many women feel comfortable electing to stay home for their kids, the majority of stay-at-home dads are not working for some other primary reason.
The financial situation of stay-at-home moms and dads is also starkly different. For women, staying at home is often a privilege that stems from solid economic standing and the ability to live off of one income. But the Pew study found that for men, 40% of stay-at-home dads live in poverty, compared with 5% of dads who work for pay.
Researchers noted that the number of stay-at-home dads increases during times of economic strain and also increased significantly during the pandemic.
One issue that muddies the waters in this conversation is stigma — it’s not clear how many stay-at-home dads do not wish to be labeled as such, or who would rather identify as a student or retired than someone who primarily provides childcare and household tasks.
In 2012, the U.S Census Bureau found that 189,000 men identified as stay-at-home dads. Today, various sources believe that that number has increased to around 2 million. If you add in dads who work part-time or at night, but who provide the majority of daytime childcare, that number increases to 7 million.
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