One of the things I’ve treasured most about becoming a mom is realizing just how deeply my own parents loved me and cared for me. I mean, I knew that, but I didn’t know that, right? And with the millions of parenting hacks and tips available in every corner of the internet, I still turn to my mom — who I think was the best mom in the world — for her thoughts on parenting.
So when I saw this TikTok asking a mom of grown kids for her best advice? I was sat.
The tricky part of parenting advice is that it often feels so overwhelming. It makes you doubt your instincts and feel like if you aren’t waking your baby up from their nap 10 minutes before you want them to be awake or if you aren’t doing toy rotation, then literally nothing else you do matters.
But this mom’s advice was sweet, reassuring, and actually doable.
Niya Esperanza, a TikTok creator with over a million followers, starts the video off by telling viewers that she asked her mom for her best parenting tips (because she’s “the best mom”), and her mom says she doesn’t have any. She comes into the video, shaking her head, but agrees to give some advice “off the cuff.”
And, whew, does she start with a gem: “Most of the important work is done in repair.”
She elaborates, “I am not a perfect parent, even though I really wanted to be. But I think some of the good that happens is apologizing when you make a mistake.”
She goes on to say how important it is to “tune in and pay attention to what’s going on in your kid’s life” and be really supportive and encouraging of them.
My absolute favorite piece of advice she gives? “I tried to lead with love and never punish out of anger. So yeah, punishment and consequences needed to not happen when I was angry.”
Did your head just kind of explode with that one, too? OK good.
Honestly, the whole video is so wholesome and lovely. Esperanza touches on building a village and how important it is for your kids to see your life and have them involved in things that matter to you. It’s a wonderful outlook on motherhood because it’s not some complicated parenting system; it’s just being yourself and owning your mistakes while loving the heck out of your kid.
Hey, I think we can all handle that — and we can always use the reminder.
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