What It Means to “Reparent” Yourself, According To Experts — & 8 Ways to Start

Redos are a gift. After all, if you never got back on a bike after falling and scraping a knee, you’d never have learned to ride. Yet, social media is abuzz with another type of redo that may feel unnatural: reparenting yourself.

For better or worse, parenting is often seen as something done to us and for us, not something we can DIY. However, experts say it’s possible to reparent yourself in adulthood. It’s healing (and doesn’t have to be entirely DIY, if that’s not your thing, because a therapist can help).

“Reparenting is when you intentionally work on giving yourself the care and support that you might have missed out on as a child,” says Jamie Buzzelle, a parent coach. “Since everyone’s childhood is unique, what this looks like for you will be personal. It’s an ongoing journey.”

We asked experts to reveal the signs that indicate you could use some reparenting, why it’s beneficial, and how to do it. They also shared insights on reparenting yourself solo and when to seek out professional help.

How does reparenting help?

Reparenting yourself can be a healing and helpful process for individuals and those in their orbit.

“When people begin reparenting themselves, they often report feeling more grounded, emotionally stable, and confident,” explains Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. “Instead of reacting from old survival patterns, they learn to respond from a place of self-awareness and compassion. Over time, they become more equipped to set boundaries, speak kindly to themselves, and regulate difficult emotions.”

Ultimately, that benefits others as well. However, one psychologist cautions that people may be caught off guard and even put off by your personal growth from reparenting.

“When someone initially shifts into reparenting, it will honestly probably ruffle some feathers because the people around them have usually been taking quite a bit from this person,” says Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a Texas-based licensed psychologist. “They are used to them being boundary-less, rescuing, and reliant on them in some way.”

It may make you hesitant to try reparenting, especially if you have a tendency to people-please. However, McGeehan encourages people to try reparenting if they think it could help them, because it can be beneficial — even for those who aren’t jumping for joy that you’re putting your oxygen mask on first.

“Children benefit from having a healthier parent to rely on and who is modeling healthy boundaries for them,” McGeehan says. “They’re also able to receive secure attachment and emotional availability from a parent practicing reparenting. Partners benefit from clearer boundaries, more intimacy, and less projection … Friends experience more authentic connection and less emotional reactivity.”

McGeehan says many people can benefit from reparenting, but especially adults who:

• Grew up with emotionally unavailable, abusive, or inconsistent caregivers
• Struggle with self-trust, chronic self-doubt, or intense inner criticism
• Are high-achievers with perfectionism or imposter syndrome rooted in early approval-seeking
• Have attachment wounds (anxious, avoidant, or disorganized)
• Experienced complex trauma or relational trauma
• Struggle to be interdependent while in romantic relationships
• Find it challenging to accept care and support from others

8 Tips for Reparenting Yourself

Reparenting isn’t easy, and — real talk — the journey won’t always be fun. But experts share that reparenting can be reparative. If you’re interested in working through and healing old wounds, these tips can help you meet the challenge by gaining new skills and perspective that can, in turn, help you avoid causing similar harm to the next generation (aka your own kids).

Name unmet needs

McGeehan says that you have to know what happened to you as a child before you can dig into reparenting. It helps you set your intention. “Did you need more safety, consistency, encouragement, or space to express emotions? Unmet needs often fuel present-day patterns of self-abandonment or overfunctioning,” McGeehan says.

She suggests finding a photo of yourself as a child and looking at it as you journal using your younger self’s voice. “Ask, ‘What did I wish someone had said or done for me?’ she suggests. “This prompt can be the blueprint for your reparenting work. This isn’t about blaming a caregiver. It’s about honoring your experience as a child, including how you experienced events as a young child who couldn’t hold the nuance that adults can.”

Learn your triggers

Buzzelle suggests tuning into your body. What physical reactions do you have to others? For instance, do you start to sweat when someone doesn’t take you seriously, or notice your heart rate increases as soon as someone interrupts you? That’s data.

“Your body gives you a lot of information,” she says. “It can tell you about your emotional state even before your mind fully registers how you feel. Understanding your triggers helps you anticipate and manage your emotional responses, giving you more control in situations that might have felt overwhelming before.”

Create safety through daily rituals

McGeehan says that rituals signal you’re safe now, which she says is critical if you grew up in emotional chaos. “Whether it’s a morning stretch, a grounding affirmation, or holding your own hand during anxious moments, predictable acts of self-tending regulate the nervous system,” McGeehan explains. “Choose one two-minute ritual to repeat each day. Even brushing your hair while saying, ‘I’ve got you,’ can rewire how you relate to your body..

Her favorite? Walking in the grass after a long day of work.

Talk to yourself like a wise parent would

Here’s where you get to be the parent you needed and deserved.

“Your self-talk becomes your internal environment,” McGeehan explains. “Many adults carry the voice of a critical caregiver. Reparenting is about installing a new voice that’s wise, loving, and firm. Not swinging to either extreme, but finding that middle ground and holding firm in love.”

McGeehan recommends noticing harsh thoughts. For instance, she says you might say things like, “I’m allowed to be learning,” or “It makes sense I feel this way.”

“If this is hard, I often encourage clients to speak to themselves the way they would speak to their child or another child who is important to them,” McGeehan notes. “It’s easy to see how critical we are being when we try to cast the same criticism on a 5-year-old.”

Learn and practice boundaries

Like “reparenting,” boundaries have become something of a buzzword. But there’s a reason: They’re essential, including in a reparenting situation. “Using boundaries is incredibly empowering because it puts you in control of your life and frees you from the expectation that others should fix things for you,” Buzzelle says.

McGeehan says a great way to practice setting boundaries is by saying no without over-explaining.

Practice self-soothing

Self-soothing is critical to emotional regulation, a skill often learned during childhood. However, it’s not too late if you didn’t receive a master class on it as a kid.

“Deep breathing, talking gently to yourself, or placing a hand on your heart when you’re anxious can help you feel safe in your own body,” Lira de la Rosa shares. “Over time, these tools help you ride out hard moments without spiraling.”

Reclaim play and imagination

McGeehan likes to tell people that healing doesn’t always have to be heavy.

“Many high-functioning adults skipped childhood emotionally,” McGeehan says. “Reparenting invites wonder, silliness, and softness back into your daily life. Play restores vitality and signals to the nervous system that joy is not only safe but necessary to having a sense of who we are.”

Some intentional retail therapy might help, McGeehan suggests. “Take your younger self to the store; don’t bring your children,” McGeehan says. “Let her pick out a toy — something she may have always wanted but didn’t get as a kid, or just something she finds interesting now. Once you get home, take some time imagining she is with you and then play with the toy together.”

Celebrate small wins

While millennials and Gen-Z often get pegged as products of “participation trophy” culture, if you grew up in a hyper-critical environment, you may have felt like you got few accolades from those whose approval you most wanted.

“Many of us were taught to focus on mistakes or not draw attention to ourselves,” Lira de la Rosa says. “Reparenting includes recognizing your wins, even small ones. Tell yourself, ‘I’m proud of you,’ when you take a risk or honor a boundary.”

Can you reparent without a therapist?

According to McGeehan, it’s possible to reparent as a form of self-help — but she doesn’t advise throwing caution to the wind.

“Reparenting can be powerful when done slowly, safely, and intentionally,” she says. “I don’t recommend people go on a big binge of trauma books if they aren’t working with a therapist. Instead, I would recommend checking out resources related to boundaries, inner child work, and self-compassion instead.”

Some of her favorite low and no-cost resources include:

“Some signs that it’s time to seek professional help include if reparenting triggers intense emotional flashbacks or dissociation, if you’re working with complex trauma or childhood abuse, or if you feel unsafe/overwhelmed trying to connect with your younger self,” McGeehan says. “A trauma-informed therapist can help you titrate the work and integrate it appropriately.”