Why Do Women Like To Be Called ‘Good Girl’ In Bed? Sexperts Explain

Sometimes, the things we like in bed take us by surprise. If your husband put his hand around your neck in any other context, you would justifiably stomp him out — but when the lights are dim and the door is closed, suddenly it’s got a little je ne sais quoi. If you’re someone who likes to be called a good girl in bed, chances are it’s the kind of thing you’d find condescending in any other situation. So why does it hit so different in the bedroom? Whether the phrase just fell out of your partner’s mouth one night or you read it in a spicy romance book and wanted to take it for a spin, here’s why “good girl” really does it for you.

Why do some women like to be called “good girl” during sex?

Often, the thrill of being called a good girl in bed is because it’s a little bit submissive without diving headlong into the dominant/submissive dynamic. For some women, being called a good girl and liking it may be their first clue they have a praise kink — when verbal admiration, compliments, and praise on your performance add to your arousal.

“This term is commonly used in the context of a consensual power exchange, or a moment of surrender or submission to one’s partner. This doesn’t necessarily come with all the trappings of BDSM, though — you can be an otherwise vanilla couple and still enjoy this and other praise kinks,” says Angie Rowntree, ABS, founder and director of Sssh.com, an online destination for sex-positive, ethical porn.

“‘Good girl’ is exciting to people for lots of reasons. For some, it signals they’re submissive to their partner, and the whole power play dynamic of your partner being dominant and you being submissive is the thing that gets you off. For others, it’s about really enjoying praise. A lot of us like to hear we’re good in general in life — but also in bed,” says Leigh Norén, a sex and relationship therapist with a master of science in sexology and host of the podcast In Bed with Science.

Is wanting to be called “good girl” getting more popular?

Listen, you would not be the first person to see something sexual in a spicy romance book and ask to try it in bed, only to have it be your new favorite thing. If you’ve read a modern romance or romantasy book in the last few years, you’ve probably seen the “good girl” praise kink in action on the page. In fact, the boom in these genres is at least part of what’s clueing women in to the fact that they might like to hear the term in their own intimate lives. Rowntree’s platform lets user feedback guide the content they make, and she says the demand is real.

“What’s interesting is that we’re seeing two intersecting broader trends: the increased demand for content depicting emotional intimacy and emotional stakes, and period-drama and fantasy content,” Rowntree says. “Within those two larger trend bubbles, there are definitely fans also asking us for what could be called ‘praise kink’ content — but it’s not your typical BDSM style when it’s happening during a Regency-era opera ball.”

Liking the “good girl” nickname isn’t new, Norén emphasizes, but any time a sexual preference is depicted positively in pop culture, it makes more people want to try it and reduces the stigma around doing so.

“Just as Fifty Shades brought BDSM more into the mainstream, the use of ‘good girl’ in romantasy and romance feels like it’s reducing the stigma of having a praise kink or enjoying those types of phrases,” she says.

Other Things To Try In Bed If You Like Being Called A Good Girl

If you like being praised, try some other verbal feedback in the bedroom too.

“Praise kink lives on the same city block as dirty talk, so if you and your partner are verbally inclined people, we say let those lips get loose and wild,” Rowntree recommends. “Of course, make sure to check in with each other to establish whether there’s anything you absolutely don’t like to hear, or may find off-putting.”

If you feel tongue-tied in the moment, she adds that praising what you find hot about your partner (“Your [blank] is so [blank]”) or the moment (“I love it when you…”) is a great icebreaker.

You’ll want to ask yourself what it is about being called a good girl that really does it for you, Norén says. Is it the praise? The power dynamic? Maybe a bit of both? Then “let that answer lead,” she says. If it’s about praise, ask your partner to try some new phrases like:

• “You’re perfect.”
• “That’s it, just like that.”
• “I’m going to reward you now.”
• New pet names, like princess or baby girl

If you want to lean more into the power dynamic side of things, Norén suggests trying some punishments: think spanking, doing as you’re told, or withholding of your orgasm. Calling your partner Daddy is another option, which for most people is either a tantalizing idea or an immediate ick. But if you’re into being called a good girl, you might consider trying it.

“Good girl is sometimes paired with calling your partner Daddy — this is common in roleplay-type scenarios about ageplay, but it’s sometimes more about a feeling of your ‘Daddy’ being someone who comforts and takes care of you, and you getting to be ‘little’ for a while. Women often hold so much in life by carrying the mental load, and getting to check out for a bit and be taken care of or told what to do can be a nice change,” says Norén.

And if what first turned you on to being called a good girl was a spicy book, Rowntree says lean in to that at least once, just for the fun of it. “If you really want to up the ‘good girl’ ante, you could even craft a full-blown fantasy roleplay, complete with costumes. If nothing else, you two can laugh about it later on when you stumble across that plastic pirate sword or the fairy wings in the closet.”