Finding time for yourself as a mother can be challenging. After all, we created the very instruments of our chaos! Our children are needy and often just want to bask in our presence. (Ask any toddler mom when was the last time she pooped in private in her own home.) TikTok creator and mom of three Sadie Golden (@sadiebreann_) knows the feeling… but she’s found a way to deal with it.
“I used to think self-care equaled alone time and being away from my kids,” she says in a video, continuing. “And while that is true, that is absolutely true, I need my alone time, I’ve also realized that I can be with my kids and I can also take care of myself and it has opened a new world for me.”
So how does this happen? She has a few techniques, and they largely come down to reframing every day situations.
Setting “Mommy Time” as part of the day
Going for a walk around the neighborhood or the park is a pretty standard activity to do with young kids. It gets them exercise and stimulation and fresh air, but, for Golden, it’s not about them, and she doesn’t mind letting them know that.
“I enjoy getting outside, I know it’s good for my kids, but selfishly I want to go on this walk,” she explains. “So I set the standard for my kids, they’re very used to this by now, ‘We’re going on a ride — they usually ride a bike or a scooter — if you want to walk, you want to run, you want to get in the stroller, I don’t care, but this is for me and you just get to come along with me.’”
At this point, they’ve done it enough that they know the expectation, and so it’s less about dilly-dallying (which, she assures them, they can’t do later), and more about mommy getting exercise. So while they have fun getting out and about, they know this is a child friendly event, not a child centered event.
Bring the kids with you
“Because having three kids essentially means you pretty much are always with one child at one time or another throughout the day,” she acknowledges. And while she enjoys going to get her nails done on her own, she recently brought her daughter with her. And what do you know: it went great!
Of course I’m imagining this child is out of the toddler years — I can’t imagine this working very well with an 18 month old — but sometimes we forget that our older children can handle this if we get them used to it.
“As a mom, I get to experience these things and I get to bring my kids along and show them … this is what the world has to offer, come along with me this is going to be fun,” she says.
No children’s music in the car
Honestly, this is one we should all adopt, IMHO.
“If they request it at home, yeah, sure, I’ll play it, but I’m not playing it of my own free will,” Golden chuckles. But it really does make sense.
“If I’m in the car and all three of you are strapped in and probably screaming at me, I’m not also going to be overstimulated with the music you’re choosing … I need my own music, my own podcast, being on the phone with somebody that I want to talk to.”
Of course these are all pretty simple steps, and they’re not going to eliminate stress from your life entirely or make up for an afternoon at a spa, but they can make a significant difference in your day to day life so that you’re not a bundle of nerves until you can get alone time.
