From an early age, children will receive unhelpful cultural messages about body size and weight from TV, social media, peers and others. You may not be able to control everything your child hears, but you can empower them with accurate and positive information. This will help them learn to question unhelpful or harmful body image messages when they hear them.
Parents often do not know how to talk about weight stigma and bias and how it may affect children. They may feel worried about how to discuss health as it relates to body weight. Parents may even wonder if they should bring up the topic of body size at all to their child.
It is helpful for parents to provide their child with opportunities to discuss body weight and size.
By starting the conversation early, parents can present factual information in a neutral or positive way that encourages their kids to feel good about their body.
While it is helpful to discuss your child’s concerns about their body or to help them understand weight stigma, it is not helpful for you to discuss your child’s body shape or size, even if you are making comments about their body shape or size being “good.” Do not make comments about your child’s weight or size, suggest they need to eat differently to gain or lose weight, or tell them they need to go on a diet. These things will make your child dislike their body more and can lead to poor body image, disordered eating, or contribute to eating disorders. (1,2)
“How to Talk to Your Child About Weight and Health” guide
It’s hard to talk to your child about these important topics. If your child has said “I’m fat!” or “I want to go on a diet,” or you know you need to learn how to talk to your child about weight to destigmatize it, you may be struggling to come up with the best thing to say.
The guide How to Talk to Your Child About Weight and Health is now available to help parents with these tough, important conversations. Written by a psychologist, a childhood development specialist, and a registered dietitian, it provides evidence-informed scripts for parents. The guide includes 12 topic areas, including:
- What to Say When Your Child Says They Want to Lose Weight or Go on a Diet
- What to Say When Your Child Says “I’m Fat!”
- How to Talk to Your Child if They Are Unhappy With Their Body
- How to Talk to Your Child About Body Size and Health
- What to Say When Your Child has Questions About Their Weight or Health
- How to Teach Your Child About Weight Stigma and Bias
- How to Talk to Your Child Who was Bullied Because of Their Weight or Size
- How to Talk About the Diagnoses of “Overweight” or “Obesity”
- How to Talk to Your Child After a Stigmatizing Medical Appointment
- How to Talk to Your Child About Doctor’s Visits and Lab Work
- What to Say When Your Child has a New Health Condition Diagnosis
- How to Teach Your Child About the Causes of Higher Weight
Three of the conversation guides are shared in full below.
Get the full 12-conversation guide How to Talk to Your Child About Weight and Health to feel confident about having these tough, important conversations with your child.
What to say when your child says “I’m fat!”
If a child calls themselves fat and says it in a negative way, it can be surprising or even heartbreaking for parents.
Parents often jump in and say “You are not fat! You are perfect!” The potential problem with saying this without further explanation is that this statement insinuates that fat is bad.
Instead, our team recommends:
- Exploring with the child what they mean by saying they are fat.
- Listening without interruption.
- Discussing body diversity.
- Identifying family values around body positivity and fat neutrality (not labeling fat as bad).
- Following up with a plan for any concerns that may be driving the statement, such as bullying.
Here are some examples of what to say to your child when they say they are “fat”:
Ages 0-3
“Everyone has fat on their body. Fat helps keep us warm and gives us energy.”
Ages 3-5
“What do you mean by saying you are fat? Everyone has fat on their body. Fat helps keep us warm and gives us energy. Your body is just the right size for you.”
Ages 6-11
“What do you mean by saying you are fat? Everyone has fat on their bodies. Why do you think that is? Some people have more fat and some have less. There is nothing wrong with having fat on our bodies. Your body is just the right size for you.”
Ages 11-18
“What do you mean by saying you are fat? Fat is a necessary part of our biology. Humans evolved to store fat to survive harsh circumstances, such as famines. Some people naturally have more and some naturally have less. What do you think about your body? Has anyone made you feel badly about your size? What are some things you like about your body?”
Get the full 12-conversation guide How to Talk to Your Child About Weight and Health to feel confident about having these tough, important conversations with your child.
How to talk to your child about body size and health
There are many factors related to health, including genetics, environment, social factors, food insecurity, stress and many more. Body size can be related to health outcomes, but having a larger body does not automatically mean a person is not healthy.
It is important that children understand that bodies can be healthy at any size. You can help them start to understand this concept when you start the conversation. You can also help them learn about health by focusing on healthy behaviors, not size.
Here are some ideas for how to talk about body size and health:
Ages 0-3
“All different types of bodies can be healthy.”
Ages 3-5
“All different types of bodies can be healthy. Drinking water, getting rest and going outside can help us feel healthy.”
Ages 6-11
“We cannot control our body size and bodies can be healthy at any size. What we can control is doing things that help us feel healthy, such as drinking enough water to stay hydrated, eating a variety of foods from all food groups, getting enough sleep and rest, going outside to play, and spending time with friends and family.”
Ages 11-18
“We cannot control our body size and bodies can be healthy at any size. There are likely a number of factors, such as genetics, environment and stress that can affect both size and health outcomes. We cannot control many of these, but we can control some things that can help us feel healthy, such as drinking enough water to stay hydrated, eating a variety of foods from all food groups, getting enough sleep and rest, going outside to play, and spending time with friends and family.”
Get the full 12-conversation guide How to Talk to Your Child About Weight and Health to feel confident about having these tough, important conversations with your child.
How to teach your child about weight stigma and bias
You can help your child also understand that some people may treat a person differently because of their weight, size or how they look. Whether it is a doctor, a friend or another person, it is not OK to treat someone differently because of their body size.
Here are some ways to talk to your child about weight stigma and bias:
Ages 0-3
“Bodies come in lots of different shapes and sizes.”
Ages 3-5
“The same way that people have different hair, eyes, and skin colors, people have different body shapes and sizes. Every body is a good body.”
Ages 6-11
“The same way that people have different hair, eyes and skin colors, people have different body shapes and sizes. Some people say hurtful things about people in bigger bodies because they think that slim bodies are better than bigger bodies. It is always wrong for a person to say or do something unkind to a person based on their body size. In fact, bodies are so personal that they are something we don’t want to comment on, whether it is kind or unkind. You can always tell me if you or someone else is treated unkindly because of body size.”
Ages 11-18
“It has become common in our culture to think slim bodies are better than large bodies. This is called weight bias and sometimes people have biases (or unfair ways of thinking) without even realizing it and it can influence how they act or what they say. It is not wrong to have a bias necessarily, we don’t always know we do. But, it is wrong to treat anyone unkindly based on how they look. Treating people in larger bodies worse because of their weight is called weight stigma and it is wrong. You can always tell me if you see or experience weight stigma.”
Get the full 12-conversation guide How to Talk to Your Child About Weight and Health to feel confident about having these tough, important conversations with your child.
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References
- Berge, J. M., MacLehose, R., Loth, K. A., Eisenberg, M., Bucchianeri, M. M., & Neumark-Sztainer, D. (2013). Parent Conversations about Healthful Eating and Weight: Associations with Adolescent Disordered Eating Behaviors. JAMA Pediatrics, 167(8), 746. https://doi.org/10.1001/JAMAPEDIATRICS.2013.78
- Winkler, M. R., Berge, J. M., Larson, N., Loth, K. A., Wall, M., & Neumark-Sztainer, D. (2018). Parent-child health- and weight-focused conversations: Who is saying what and to whom? Appetite, 126, 114–120. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appet.2018.03.023
