My Tween Is Gaining Independence & Confidence From ’90s Books

Raising confident, empowered, independent kids is the dream, but it’s a hard dream to realize. From our own fears and insecurities to the worries we have about the world affecting our children, teaching your kid to be confident in themselves and their ideas — and to face the world head-on with responsibility and accountability — is tough. I’ve always just sort of let parenting happen with my three kids. I trust my instincts, and I believe that some stuff is just bound to be taught to them, even if I’m not making a conscious effort to make sure they learn something. But now that my oldest is 11 and we are in that weird spot of growing-up-but-still-very-much-a-kid, I’m trying to be more intentional about raising her to be confident and independent.

And honestly, her book choices are helping. Because while I’m over here reading Anxious Generation and rewatching a million parenting Instagram reels, my kid is reading books from my own ‘90s childhood — and fostering her own independence and confidence.

I didn’t mean for it to happen this way. I introduced my girl to Kristy and Claudia and Dawn and Mary-Anne the minute she was done reading picture books. I was obsessed with The Baby-Sitters Club series, including the Little Sister series featuring Kristy’s baby stepsister Karen. Before my daughter turned 10, I bought her two of my favorite Goosebumps books (she went as Slappy the dummy that Halloween), and last year I started introducing her to the Sweet Valley High series.

I just wanted my kid to experience a bit of happiness from my childhood. To fall in love with these fictional worlds that kept me so entertained and inspired.

And she did.

But something else shifted in her as she gobbled up these books. She started asking me if she could bake — “All on my own though” — and if she could take care of dinner one night. She and her friends made a flyer for their version of a babysitters club, coming up with incentives like “every child gets a free handmade bracelet (with permission from the caregiver).” She started making lists of things she wanted to accomplish in a new school year, and on the lists were things like “learn to play piano, join a new club.” She asked to ride her bike around the neighborhood alone, to go on walks and knock on the door of her fifth-grade teacher who lives down the street, to get her own ventriloquist dummy so she could perform at her little sisters’ birthday parties.

Maybe it’s just her age, but I felt a strong connection to the girl she was becoming and the girls she was reading about. In these books, she’s hearing about girls operating an entire business in their community. About girls being responsible and independent, girls who call each other out when they need to. She’s learning that her ideas are not only possible, they’re possible to do on her own. That she doesn’t have to wait for someone else to agree with her or hold her hand through it or offer help — that she can make things happen, exactly as she envisioned, all on her own.

Of course, the ‘90s were different. In these books, the kids are often home alone (something she’s never really experienced), and they live in towns where walking everywhere is a thing.

But deep down, Kristy and Jessica and Elizabeth and Lindy and Kris are just like my girl. They’re girls with big ideas — and the confidence to make them happen.

I hope she never stops reading their stories. I hope she never stops trusting her own.