Strong-Willed or Something More? Understanding Your Child Beneath the Behavior – Podcast Ep 186

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Parenting a strong-willed child can feel a little like riding a roller coaster . . . with no seatbelt. One minute, your child is full of passion and happiness, the next, they’re melting down in the middle of Target. These extreme emotions leave you wondering: Is this just a phase? Is it ADHD? Are they emotional? Or are they just being . . . mean?

If you’ve ever asked yourself any of those questions, you are definitely not alone. In this episode of Chick Chat, I sat down with parenting coach and Positive-Discipline expert Danielle Bettmann to unpack what’s really going on beneath those big behaviors. Danielle shares the mindset shifts and practical tools that help parents stop reacting and start truly connecting with their kids, especially strong-willed, deeply feeling kids who are just trying to be seen and understood.

Who Is Danielle Bettmann?

Danielle Bettmann is a Positive-Discipline certified parenting coach who helps parents truly crack the code of their strong-willed child’s personality. With a background as an early childhood educator, certified teacher, and home visitor, Danielle now supports families virtually from all over the country. Her approach? It’s all about getting to the root of behavior (meeting our kids’ deepest needs) so we can stop playing “whack-a-mole” with outbursts and instead create real connection and cooperation. She teaches parents how to be kind and firm at the same time, and trust me . . . it’s a game-changer.

Danielle is also the host of the popular podcast Failing Motherhood, which is such a powerful resource for parents feeling overwhelmed or uncertain. She is on a mission to remove shame from parenting and remind us all that we are the parent our kids need.

What We Talked About

This conversation is packed with wisdom and real-life strategies that speak to the heart of modern parenting, especially if you’re navigating big feelings, frequent meltdowns, or kiddos who don’t respond well to traditional discipline methods.

Here are a few key takeaways from our conversation:

1. What a “strong-willed child” really means

Danielle helps parents recognize the traits of strong-willed kids and understand why these children often clash with rigid rules, routines, and power dynamics. It’s not defiance; it’s unmet needs.

2. Is it ADHD, big emotions, or just being difficult?

So many parents are trying to make sense of their child’s behavior. Danielle explains how to look deeper and consider things like sensory needs, nervous system regulation, and emotional intensity before jumping to labels.

3. Why behavior is communication

One of Danielle’s core teachings is that behavior isn’t about them trying to be “bad.” It’s usually a message that we need to listen more to. When we learn to decode it, we can respond with more connection, not just correction.

4. The trap of traditional discipline

Yelling, time-outs, spanking, and threats. These can often backfire, especially with strong-willed kids. Danielle breaks down why those tools don’t necessarily work for stron-willed kids and how they can lead to even more resistance.

5. What it looks like to be kind and firm at the same time

Danielle walks us through real-life examples of how to hold boundaries without being harsh and how to show empathy without losing authority. It’s all about connection and consistency. Her tips are gold!

6. Getting to the root of behavior

Power struggles often disappear when a child feels truly seen and heard. Danielle offers tools to help parents identify the underlying need behind outbursts and meet it with intention.

7. One small mindset shift that helps today

Whether it’s pausing before reacting or getting curious instead of angry, Danielle offers doable strategies any parent can try immediately to build trust and connection with their child.

Final Thoughts

If you’re raising a child who challenges you daily, we want you to know that you’re not failing. You’re just parenting a strong-willed kid and you can absolutely lead them with both heart and structure. Danielle’s work is such a breath of fresh air and this episode will leave you with so much guidance and support.

With the right tools and mindset, even the toughest parenting moments can become opportunities for growth, healing, and closeness. And as Danielle says: you are the parent your child needs.

Mentioned in the episode

Danielle’s Resources

We hope you found this episode helpful. If you did and enjoyed it, please subscribe to our podcast, Chick Chat, and leave us an honest review. Links below!